It was cold. We’d had a great night out with friends, and I felt so proud of my partner. But now, here I am standing outside the restaurant, alone. Some of our friends are still inside. And so is my boyfriend. He’s still doing the rounds, saying goodbye. We started to leave 15 minutes ago. I’ve already said goodbye. I’m exhausted. And there he is, happy, laughing, holding court. What on earth is there left to say? Can’t it wait? I want to go home.
Welcome to life with an extrovert. When it comes to love, if you’re the type of person who thinks a crazy night is a movie and a cup of extra strong tea, you’ll probably find that chatty, funny ‘life of the party’ pretty exciting …. at first. The powerful attraction of the extrovert is that they will encourage you to do new things, they’ll get you out of the house and your social circle will increase massively. You’ll laugh more, you’ll dance more and eventually, you’ll be begging them to stop. Stop rushing about, stop inviting eight people over without telling you and most of all, stop TALKING.
The problem is, an extrovert wants to sort things out with words while an introvert needs time alone to see how they feel. An extrovert will follow you out of the room begging, “Can’t we just TALK about it?”. This is because extroverts think out loud. They work things out by talking things over with you, with others – oh, let’s just face it, they never stop talking. Well, at least that’s how it feels to the introverted partner.
So, what can we do if we are in a typical ‘opposites attract’ relationship?
For the extrovert:
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Stop talking! Listen and don’t be threatened if your introverted partner needs space and time to think things through. This is how introverts process their emotions. They go deep inside to see how they feel and then they can report back. They are not abandoning you, they still love you and if they are asking for some quiet time, let them take it. Introverts don’t feel energised by being around people. They gather their energy again by being alone.
For the introvert:
Let the extrovert know that sometimes you need quiet time but reassure them that it doesn’t mean that you don’t love them, miss them or need them desperately. Yes, extroverts can be quite high maintenance! Appreciate that sometimes your extroverted partner will need to think by talking. This is how they process. Sometimes they say things that grate on you but this is because they don’t think before they speak like you do. Try and let these comments go through to the keeper. Don’t take it personally. Blurting things out is part of being spontaneous.
Remember why you fell in love with your extroverted partner: they make you laugh, they’re fun to be with, and they bring spontaneity into your life. And, remember why you fell in love with your introverted partner – they balance you out. You need the calm they bring, the way they think things through and their sensible side. They can be your oasis when things get too chaotic. Which is why you shouldn’t leave them standing outside restaurants in the cold.