It’s a timeless question that most of us wonder when we start falling or becoming attracted to one of our seemingly platonic friends: Do you “risk losing the friendship” or do you let it develop into something more?

To help you make this decision, we’ve outlined what will happen if you decide to go ahead and admit your feelings to your friend or if you decide to stay in a platonic friendship.

Possible Outcomes if You Go Ahead and “Risk Your Friendship”:

1. 1. You end up getting married and living happilly ever after.
2. 2. You end up dating for awhile and then things aren’t as rosy as you thought they would be so you end up breaking up
3. 3. You admit your feelings but your friend doesn’t feel the same way so then things are forever awkward between you again and your friendship starts to dissolve.
4. 4. You both talked about it and mutually decided to stay “just friends” but then you drift apart when one of you gets boyfriend/girlfriend. (See Damien’s article about The Friend of the Opposite Sex Wall.)

Possible Outcomes if You Hide Your True Feelings or Decide to Stay “Just Friends”

1. 1. You hide your feelings and drive yourself crazy to the point you can no longer stand to be around your friend.
2. 2. You stay “just friends”…until one of you starts dating someone else and you lose your friendship due to lack of time or jealousy issues and then you stop talking to each other completely.
3. 2. You stay friends and continue to see each other regularly but not without a lot of drama from each of your respective partners until you both find yourselves single again and decide to hook up with each other.
4. 3. You find yourself wondering “what if?” years later down the road if you should have been honest about your feelings and let it develop into something more.

If you look at the possible outcomes for each scenario, you should realize a common theme: You’re either going to stay in love with that person or you’re going to end up losing the friendship anyway whether you confront your true feelings or not. Since you’re going to lose the frienship no matter what you do, you might as well go forward with it anyway and hope for the best possible outcome: that you marry your best friend – which is what I did.

It’s all going great until one day you hit what I call the “friend of the opposite sex” wall.

You’ve heard their cell ring a few times while you were together and when you ask them who it was, they just hit “busy” on their phone and dismiss it with an answer like “work,” or “dear God it’s my mother again.” When all the while, guess what has been happening? Yup, you guessed it … the opposite sex friend has been calling like a rottweiler since you came around.

This same sex friend also isn’t too happy with your newfound bliss. And why should they be? They’re losing their best friend, the closest thing to a partner that you now enjoy.

For all you know, they may have even been your biggest dread: “sex friends” before you came around. You won’t know for years if they were and you may never know the full story as to how “deep” their relationship went. So Damien, you ask, what do I do about this? I can only give you my suggestion through a story and what worked for me before I got married to my lovely Sarah. I think it’s good advice, but only you can decide for yourself through talking with your partner.

One evening I had just made enchiladas for my now-wife and her son of 4 years. We were relaxing after the pool and watching Disney shows until the boy’s bedtime.

Then the phone rang.

It was, well … we’ll call him Chip since I don’t believe in revealing names apart from my family and friends who say its okay. Chip called and Sarah talked to him for a little bit. He had been weaving in and out of her life before I came around and now even more since I had already proposed marriage. It was the old “ya want what ya can’t have” problem. To make a long story short, I went over and hugged my now-wife (did I mention she is immaculately beautiful?) and said quietly into her ear:

“The boy and I are going back to the pool for 30 minutes. I’m not pushing you, but I would like you to tell him we are a “thing” and then I would like you to not talk to him again.”

In the context of what we had been talking about, this made sense. It was like our “language” that only we “got.”

Well, that was the end of Chip! Sometimes in a relationship, you need to believe in yourself enough to draw the line. You should never be rude or possessive, but if you cannot tolerate the opposite sex friend, then your relationship has hit a wall. you must either get over it together somehow or be stopped by it. Many people choose to tolerate the opposite sex friend, but you don’t have to.

Have you encountered “the friend of the opposite sex” wall. How did you get over it?