My wife and I at her parents' house Thanksgiving 2009

Some people are so demanding you hardly want to be around them. I’ve been around couples where one is so “nit-picky” I wondered why the other put up with the relationship. On the other hand, I’ve been around the opposite and really appreciated the way a spouse gave the other “elbow room” in the relationship. Watching this happen can have two effects on a person: 1) A feeling of frustration that the offending one is not being scolded or 2) a feeling of being impressed that the offending one is being allowed freedom of expression. While these two responses could happen to any of us, I think it’s safe to say all of us would want our spouse to go easy on us in the event we acted “offensive” in some way. Not being so demanding and less tense with your spouse can yield great results for them. They will feel safer taking risks, better about the relationship, and more supportive toward you. All these effects really do work toward your advantage as well so when your spouse offends you in some way, go easier on her/him.

Going easier on your spouse will make her/him feel safer taking risks

I learned this one as a teacher. Kids will take more risks and perform better when they feel safe in class. In the same way, when you “lay off” the criticism, your spouse may develop more lucrative or supportive pastimes. They can let their mind expand which can help solve problems you may have thought were unsolvable. They could start to do huge things like go back to college or little things like suggest your favorite restaurant when you can’t afford it (come on, we all know we can usually find the money … it’s the thought that counts). Sadly, for many couples, the outlet for real emotion and risk-taking is in something harmless like a diary or much worse, an affair.

Going easier on your spouse will make her/him feel better about the relationship

When your spouse feels good about your relationship, it is like potting vitamins to a plant. The relationship will grow on “auto-pilot.” Little romantic things you do will be perceived as what they are and not attempts to “win affection.” The latter can occur when there is a lot of insecurity in the relationship. I was so moved over the thanksgiving holiday the way my wife was patient with me usual “slips of the lip” with her family as well as with mine. I am in a relationship where I am quite thankful my wife “goes easy on me.” We live and we learn but unless we feel good about the relationship, we never really grow.

Going easier on your spouse will make her/him feel more supportive toward you

Ultimately, this post is about the golden rule: “Do unto your spouse as you would have done unto you.

By going easier on your spouse, you’ll find they will go easier on you. You can criticize quite easily but what comes harder and is therefore more valuable is patience and long-suffering when your spouse makes a mistake or doesn’t measure up to what you expect. This is usually not the end of the world. On the other hand, it can feel like the end of the world when your spouse lays unrealistic expectations on you. The next time you are tempted to criticize your spouse, go easier or better yet … don’t say anything at all.

Money can make or break a relationship. In fact money is one of the major causes of divorce in the world today. Many couples will argue and fight and even get bitter at their partner over financial issues.

I have been with my girlfriend for over 2 years and we have made a consistent effort to work together when it comes to money. We have had some difficulties when it comes to money, but overall we have a healthier relationship because of the way we decided to act about money.

If you want to have a great and long lasting relationship then you need to resolve this issue of money with your partner and you need to work together to reach your financial goals. Once you begin to work together you will find more and more that money is not a problem to tear your relationship apart but it is actually a tool to help keep your relationship healthy.

Here are some important first steps you will need to take as a couple to deal with your financial issues:

1. There are More Important Things than Money
Money is not the most important thing in your life. Money, though great, will never make you truly happy. It is through relationships which we find our greatest fulfillment. No one sitting on their death bed ever says “I wish I had more money”, instead they say “I wish I had a better relationship with …” Money is not the most important thing in life and this should be true for our relationships. When money becomes a focus in the relationship you know that there is a problem. Shift your focus off money and onto more important things.

2. Sit Down and Discuss Your Goals
If you are having trouble with money in your relationship (or even if you haven’t) then it is important to sit down together (without distractions) and talk about money. Talk about the way you view money, what you want to use money for, what your financial goals are etc. Try to understand where the other person is coming from. Embrace similarities in your goals and work through the differences.

3. Honor the Other Person
In everything you do with your finances try to honour your partner. Don’t do things behind their back that you know wouldn’t honour them. For example, if me and my girlfriend want to save up for our wedding (we will be engaged shortly so this is a future example) then if I went out and spent all my money on gadgets and junk then she wouldn’t feel honored. When you become selfish with money problems will begin to rise.

4. Learn to Compromise
Learn to compromise on your goals and your visions. Don’t be so fixed on what you want that you try to destroy all of your partner’s dreams and goals about money. For example, my girlfriend wants to do property developing in the next few years. Personally, I don’t. I want to invest into my online business. But I will compromise and save money so she can do property developing which is her dream. By releasing her into her dream she will release me into mine

5. Be Generous
The life of a generous person grows larger and larger. Make a decision to be generous to each other constantly. Me and my girlfriend will always shout each other meals (shout: Aussie term for pay for someone) when we go out. We overall I end up spending the same amount on her as she does on me so it cancels itself out, but the spirit of generosity makes your partner (and yourself) feel valued in the relationship.

Now I just wanted to share with you a few ideas I personally use to use money as a tool for building my relationship with my girlfriend:

• We pay for each other at breakfast/dinner/lunch
• We buy each other flowers
• We buy each other presents
• We plan special date nights for each other each week (one week she will plan and pay for one, the next week I will and so on)
• We help each other out if we are in a tight spot (if she runs low on money one month I will lend her a couple of hundred)
• We teach each other about finances (she is always, always, always teaching me about being generous with finance, I am always teaching her to budget and save)

So stop making money a wedge in your relationship and instead unite and work together to make money work for you in building the best relationships possible.

Thank you again Ryan for this great post about making money work in our relationships.

Your partner as an alligator still has all of the same personality characteristics. Except now he or she can’t talk, weighs around 800 pounds, and is 13 feet long. Assume he/she won’t eat you because the he/she still loves you. Would you stick by your partner or be packing up your belongings?

I’m sure no one will be turning into an alligator tomorrow morning. But this question illustrates a very important point: Can you stick through it with your partner no matter what happens?

We encounter many difficult situations in our daily lives. There are the usual stresses of finances, balancing work, taking care of the kids…then there are things that may or may not be in our control that will turn your whole life upside down in the blink of an eye: a major car accident, diagnosis of a terminal illness, loss of a job, alcoholism or drug abuse, natural disasters and the like. We see these things on the news all the time: What do you do when they happen to you?

If your partner were to become paralyzed for example, your whole dynamic of life would be different. You may need to alter your home or even move into a new home completely. You would have to care for things your partner used to. Your sex life and the way you would communicate would change drastically as well.

When we get married, it is usually in our vows “in sickness and in health, for better or for worse…” and yet the moment worse comes around the corner we feel like running away. It is very difficult for either partner to be strong in time of crisis. And when life is going smoothly, we rarely worry about these things happen. Unfortunately, that’s often when they do – completely catching us off guard and throwing our emotions into the tilt-a-whirl ride at the amusement park.

This is why it is so very important to know how you would handle a crisis or emergency situation before it happens. It is also a very good test in knowing if your partner is someone you should marry or can love forever no matter what happens. A strong relationship will survive anything. A weak one will crumble at the hint of disaster.

So look closely at your partner next time you see him or her. Imagine they are an alligator. Think how everyday would be different forever. What tactics would you use to make sure you stay in love then? Would you give your alligator a bath? Scratch it’s tummy? Feel resentful now you are responsible for all of the household chores? Be aggravated that you have to feed the alligator or it can’t watch the kids anymore? Would you use humor to get through the difficult time? Seek counseling? Cry your eyes out each night?

If you would still love your partner if he or she became an alligator, then you can be confident you have what it would take to survive a catastrophe. Be thankful for every day and moment you have together.

Courage is the ability to face problems, opposition, or even danger without fear. We often associate courage with things like bravery and knights in shining armor or superheroes. But the truth is all of us need to have a little courage to be successful in our relationships. Having courage will help you avoid a slew of problems later down the road.

Having courage in a relationship means being able to tell your partner you don’t like something. It means you aren’t afraid to tell them the truth. Courage gives you the strength to be supportive of your partner. Courage also helps you be brave enough to deal with problems that may cross your path in a relationship – be it financial difficulty, disagreements, stressful situations or decision making.

If you find yourself keeping your thoughts to yourself or dodging important issues about your relationship, you do not have courage. You may not even be aware that you are doing these things on a daily basis. But if you often feel resentment towards your partner or you feel as if many problems are unresolved, it is time to start on a journey to find more courage.

Finding courage begins with looking at the things you need courage for. Do you need to speak your mind more? Confess your wrong-doing? Make an important decision? Confront a fear? Look at the issues youmust face objectively. List all of the worst things that could happen to you. Then list all of the good things that could happen to you. Compare the two and keep looking at the positive list until you no longer feel so unsure.

Maybe there isn’t anything right now in your life you need courage for, but you would like to practice being able to find it if needed. The key to this is to begin by stepping out of your comfort zone a little each day. Often we get wrapped up in things we think we need, our routines or other avoidance behaviors. Do something each day you wouldn’t ordinarily do. Maybe start the morning without a cup of coffee. Take a different route to work. Try a new recipe for dinner. By adding some spontaneity to your life, you can find more courage.

It isn’t always easy to practice courage. It’s not something that comes automatically or naturally to most of us. By doing a little each day you can find the courage you and your partner both need for a healthy relationship.

The problem occurs when our daily life is impacted by the amount of time we spend online. Maybe you belong to one too many social networking sites, or are constantly researching information. It becomes evident you spend too much time online when you find you would rather sit on your computer all day instead of leaving the house. Sometimes you’d prefer to interact with your online friends more than your “real-life” friends.

Beyond the health effects and consequences of using your computer too much, it can seriously hurt our relationships and friendships.

If you find yourself spending more than 2 hours attached to your computer each day, try to limit yourself to how much time you spend online. Go outside and take a walk or visit a nearby attraction. Catch up on reading or housework or call and visit an old friend.

Taking these much needed breaks will not only enhance your off-line life, but will help you regain focus next time you go online. Remember, moderation is always the key