This is a guest post by Ryan from Smarter Wealth.

Money can make or break a relationship. In fact money is one of the major causes of divorce in the world today. Many couples will argue and fight and even get bitter at their partner over financial issues.

I have been with my girlfriend for over 2 years and we have made a consistent effort to work together when it comes to money. We have had some difficulties when it comes to money, but overall we have a healthier relationship because of the way we decided to act about money.

If you want to have a great and long lasting relationship then you need to resolve this issue of money with your partner and you need to work together to reach your financial goals. Once you begin to work together you will find more and more that money is not a problem to tear your relationship apart but it is actually a tool to help keep your relationship healthy.

Here are some important first steps you will need to take as a couple to deal with your financial issues:

1. There are More Important Things than Money
Money is not the most important thing in your life. Money, though great, will never make you truly happy. It is through relationships which we find our greatest fulfillment. No one sitting on their death bed ever says “I wish I had more money”, instead they say “I wish I had a better relationship with …” Money is not the most important thing in life and this should be true for our relationships. When money becomes a focus in the relationship you know that there is a problem. Shift your focus off money and onto more important things.

2. Sit Down and Discuss Your Goals
If you are having trouble with money in your relationship (or even if you haven’t) then it is important to sit down together (without distractions) and talk about money. Talk about the way you view money, what you want to use money for, what your financial goals are etc. Try to understand where the other person is coming from. Embrace similarities in your goals and work through the differences.

3. Honor the Other Person
In everything you do with your finances try to honour your partner. Don’t do things behind their back that you know wouldn’t honour them. For example, if me and my girlfriend want to save up for our wedding (we will be engaged shortly so this is a future example) then if I went out and spent all my money on gadgets and junk then she wouldn’t feel honored. When you become selfish with money problems will begin to rise.

4. Learn to Compromise
Learn to compromise on your goals and your visions. Don’t be so fixed on what you want that you try to destroy all of your partner’s dreams and goals about money. For example, my girlfriend wants to do property developing in the next few years. Personally, I don’t. I want to invest into my online business. But I will compromise and save money so she can do property developing which is her dream. By releasing her into her dream she will release me into mine

5. Be Generous
The life of a generous person grows larger and larger. Make a decision to be generous to each other constantly. Me and my girlfriend will always shout each other meals (shout: Aussie term for pay for someone) when we go out. We overall I end up spending the same amount on her as she does on me so it cancels itself out, but the spirit of generosity makes your partner (and yourself) feel valued in the relationship.

Now I just wanted to share with you a few ideas I personally use to use money as a tool for building my relationship with my girlfriend:

• We pay for each other at breakfast/dinner/lunch
• We buy each other flowers
• We buy each other presents
• We plan special date nights for each other each week (one week she will plan and pay for one, the next week I will and so on)
• We help each other out if we are in a tight spot (if she runs low on money one month I will lend her a couple of hundred)
• We teach each other about finances (she is always, always, always teaching me about being generous with finance, I am always teaching her to budget and save)

So stop making money a wedge in your relationship and instead unite and work together to make money work for you in building the best relationships possible.

Thank you again Ryan for this great post about making money work in our relationships.

“I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?”
-Character Chris Gardner, The Pursuit of Happyness

This quote sums it up pretty well. How many times we think to ourselves “If I only had more money…” or “If I could only do that…” then I could be happy!? We look to other people or things to provide us happiness – which is exactly why so few of us can find it.

No material thing can make us happy. Not money, not friends, not family, not super powers or even chocolate ice cream. Sure, we might like those things. But they’re not what makes us happy. We have to make ourselves happy. But how do you do that when problems are stacking up or things just aren’t going the way you want them to?

I think I’ve finally found the secrets to being happy and now I’m going to share them with you. Because there’s no reason anyone should be unhappy.

1. Live in the moment. Don’t think about what you did yesterday and how it didn’t work out or the plans you have for tomorrow. Look at what is going on around you now. And just “be”. Clear your mind and embrace the opportunity to experience what you are doing every moment of the day. Sure, you’ll have to make plans sometimes, but if you spend 98% of the time living and 2% of the time planning, you’ll feel a lot better.

2. Let go of all your grudges. When someone does something rotten to us, intentionally or not, it’s hard to let it go. I’ve known people who have gone years without talking to their family members or still think of the time so-and-so screwed them over. It’s not going to make you happy to harbor these feelings. Let them go. Erase them from your memory. Forgive that person for messing up, because we all make mistakes.

4. Don’t be the judge. This one is very hard to do. We make judgement calls every moment of our lives. “It’s too sunny, I can’t see the road” or “What is that person wearing?” or “I don’t like the looks of this” are all examples of regular judgments we make. If you take the time to notice when you are judging something, you’ll be shocked at how much you do it. If you catch yourself judging something, stop. Say to yourself, that is what it is and I’m not going to make any assumptions about it. If you can, try to release yourself from typical stereotypes and labels as well.

3. Accept what happens as a bigger plan in life. Our world is full of millions of people, animals, and objects. We’re all made of cells that are working without us realizing it. We don’t feel the earth move, but it does. Everything is designed to work with something else. So next time you’re stuck in traffic, think of how you are relating to the things around you, and that there might be a bigger reason for it that you can’t see.

4. Want less. If we think about all the things we don’t have, we’re bound to lose sight of the things we do have. How many people each day go to work to make more money and then lose out on seeing their families or miss watching a sunset? Stop thinking about the things you want. Look at the wonderful things you have, even if it doesn’t seem like much. By wanting less and appreciating what you have, you will feel happier.

5. Help others. You don’t have to do a lot to help someone. You can let them go ahead of you in a parking lot. You can open a door for them. You can pray for them if you are a praying person. You can make them laugh with a joke. You can do their dishes for them. When you devote your energy to helping others, you think less of yourself and your own problems.

If you stop pursuing happiness you WILL find it.