Getting away can mean going to an ordinary place like the movies, but one far away adds a lot.

This one goes out to the couples that are feeling somewhat “well done” with regards to the heat of life and it’s demands. Of course, the title has told you I am recommending a vacation as an antidote to the stress of kids, traffic, low expectations that have been unfulfilled, and the general malaise of going through this life in a “grown-up” relationship. My wife and I went down to Irvine yesterday to see an independent film. You can read my review of it here. We had an awesome time and we caught ourselves doing  juvenile things such as: holding hands, cuddling in our seats (with that arm rest thingie “up,” )  and other stuff you might see only people half our age doing, FYI I am 41 she’s 33. So, you might ask, how did we achieve such lofty levels of enthusiasm for each other? Simple:

We went away …

I purposefully picked a theater 50 miles away. This opened our hearts and minds to a new place and therefore new experiences. We got lunch while down there, had some frozen yogurt, and generally enjoyed ourselves as we normally do close to home. There was one big difference:

The backgrounds were different …

My wife and I found that traveling outside our normal “stomping grounds” was very healthy for our relationship. That’s why I am recommending it to you. If you think the drive might be too much of a hassle, think again. Why not make a music mix of all your favorite songs, or better yet HER favorite ones. I think the magic of getting away is less of a cliche and more of a time tested reality in my life. I need to make the effort to get away with my wife as much as possible. I know it can be done on the cheap as well so don’t let financial constraints stop you.

This weekend or sometime soon, why not venture out of your town with your wife, husband, or significant other … wherever it may be and just get away. It could be to Disneyland or just a movie 50  miles away! I recommend you do it and watch what happens in your relationship.

Everyone wants to be recognized whether it be at work, with friends, family and yes … especially in a romantic relationship. Using this phrase, or something like it, will make your partner feel safe and accepted. This will pave the way for better communication.

People work harder when they are recognized.

When I used to work with crews at Pizza Hut, I was a manager there for several years, we were trained to “recognize” employees on a daily basis. We used to have little cards called C.H.A.M.P.S. cards we’d fill out and give to them on the floor for others to see. We were told that experiments showed employees worked harder for you after a recognition than they did after a raise! Pretty powerful truth there. By simply letting your spouse know her ideas and words are valued, you are empowering your relationship.

We are made better when we listen to other points of view.

In a logic class I was assigned a topic and the position I was to take. It was actually the death penalty and at the time I was against it. The teacher therefore assigned me the OTHER POSITION. I learned much more about the death penalty when I had to argue it from the other point of view. Similarly, when we try to empathize with our spouse and hear their points, we become more educated about how they feel and how they see the world. This can help us make better word pictures when we are conveying thoughts and desires.

We might be wrong!

I know a lot of people who don’t like to be wrong. At the same time, those people will admit they are wrong even when they don’t like it. There is a small group of people in the world that refuse to admit they are wrong. These people have a major personality flaw. I don’t ever want to be like that. Theoretically, our spouse exists to “course-correct” us when we are wrong. This is never a comfortable process but we can make it easier by listening  and echoing back to our partner. After all, do you want to go around in your life being wrong? I sure don’t.

Create your own way:

Here’s an example of how this phrase has worked for me (hypothetical conversation of course):

Spouse: I don’t know where to eat for lunch.

Me: I liked it when you said you wanted to eat well but more affordably, how about Soup and sandwiches?

Spouse: I had no idea you were listening when I said that.

Me: Oh yes I was, and I agree those are important values for us right now.

As you can see, the phrase “I liked it when you said …” can improve your relationship’s communication and show recognition of their thoughts and feelings.

Your Love Homework Assignment: Practice talking with your partner by using the phrase “I liked it when you said…” – and then tell us in the comments sections what happens when you use it!

I love coming here to this blog because I get free love relationship advice. Chelle has a keen gift for writing and assembling helpful relationship tips. I enjoy guest blogging here as well because I get to share a relationship tip or two. Now don’t think I am trying to say I have all the answers, far from it. I need to read a few thousand books and blogs before I get a grip on how to be a better husband. The thing that makes me successful, I think, is that I never give up trying. This post is a tip that really works to increase my wife’s happiness and self esteem. I know because I see it in the results after I do it. Perhaps it can save you some relationship trouble Guys, listen up!

Ok, so the title gave it away somewhat, I am suggesting that you mention your wife to the table when out to dinner or otherwise at a dinner party. Here’s an example: Couple one at a game table is discussing how they just hired someone to make them business cards and they came out terrible. You mention your wife (imagine she is into photoshop) and how she does business cards above any you’ve ever seen. Sound like overly simplistic love relationship advice? I don’t think so.  This one really sends a positive message to your wife and lets her know she is important to you.

Does the dinner mention sound difficult? It isn’t. It’s simple to do and it’s benefit to your relationship is huge. I know this because I’ve tested it over and over. If you are a cynical person, you might be saying: “Well, after a few mentions she will know you are doing it on purpose.” All I can say in response to that is I have done MANY of these randomly and my wife doesn’t seem to suspect yet. Even is she did suspect, I don’t think she’d ask me to stop. I mean, who is bothered by a compliment? No one, we love it! It’s human nature guys.

Oh, and for you ladies out there reading, this works for your husbands as well. Try it.  Building your spouse’s self esteem and maintaining it as much as you can is the most valuable action in your relationship. You have the power to avoid relationship trouble. Now go and do your love homework!

Photo Credit

Some of our favorite restaurants up here are the Road House, Outback, Steer and Stein, and El Torito.  Our list could go on and on but these are ones where we have tried eating at the bar.  You see, here in the High Desert there isn’t much to do on a Friday night other than eat and go to a movie.  For that reason, the lines and waits at restaurants are always 1-2 hours long.  We found a workaround.  We find out the wait time and then ask if it’s ok to eat at the bar.  All the restaurants I listed offer full service at the bar.  You get to sit on a big bar stool  next to your wife and elbow each other   Also, we have found every time that people try to talk to us.  Maybe talking to people isn’t your thing but we do enjoy meeting new people sometimes while out.  We’ve heard almost as many funny and cool stories dining at the bar as I have blogging.

We once met a couple who were having drinks and waiting for their table next to us.  We as usual weren’t in any hurry to leave the bar, we had ordered our food and were just enjoying our beverages.  As we talked to this couple a bit we learned that we all liked the same song: “Broken Road” by Rascal Flatts, and that the words very closely resembled the two couples met and fell in love.  We never saw them again after that, even though we did exchange numbers.  The other cool thing I always remember about that night is that we had so much fun dining with them that they gave their buzzing thing back when their table came available and sat with us.  Oh, I forgot to mention that was the night we saw Rascall Flatts at the Universal Amphitheater in Hollywood.

There’s something about sitting at the bar and looking into your wife’s beautiful brown eyes that is “light-hearted” and certainly romantic.  Of course, it’s impossible to make it work if you have kids with you.  This love homework must be done when you have a sitter and if you do you’re gonna prefer it!  Sarah will have a Margarita or two but I don’t drink at all.  It’s not the alcohol that makes it our choice sometimes.  It’s just like a secret way in when theirs a wait that doesn’t involve bribery.  I guess that makes us both feel like bigshots.  Here are those amazing lyrics I alluded to earlier:

Broken Road lyrics
Songwriters: Boyd, Bobby C; Hannah, Jeff; Hummon, Marcus

I set out on a narrow way, many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn’t see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true

That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Yes He did

I think about the years I spent, just passing through
I’d like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You’ve been there, you understand
It’s all part of a grander plan that is coming true

—

Next time there’s a wait, try dining at the bar.  A change in routine is often priceless. What do you think?

Did you ever play that elementary school game called “telephone” where you’d start whispering a phrase through a circle person to person and you were so amazed at how “tweaked” the phrase was when the last person recited it?  Like “Mary had a little lamb” would have become “Annie get your gun” or what-have-you?  To me that game represents why our wives are so important: they translate stuff for us.  When someone says something odd at work, I usually run it by my wife because she knows emotions better than me.  She can tell what is meant many times when I am way out in left field.  Thank goodness my wife Sarah is there for me when I need her “emotional intelligences.”  In the same way it’s good to have positive self-talk, it is good to tell your wife you value her.

Tell your wife you value her

Another way (among many) my wife is valuable sf through “color coding.”  When I have a really important presentation to do at work, I always ask her if my outfit clashes.  I feel confident after she pairs up the tie with the shirt and the shoes with the pants.  This is why it is great to have a “better-half.”  There are many many other ways my wife is valuable.  Most important probably is the fact that she is my best friend and most ardent supporter “against all odds.”  If you don’t tell her she is valuable, she may not believe it is so.

A visual because men are visual

I remember hearing a story once about a 5 year old kid on a plane that was harassing people.  A man and his wife were watching the scene with very different “emotional perspectives.”  The man was about to complain fiercely to the boy’s mother who was sitting just across the aisle looking despondent.  The wife kept telling him, “It’s okay, just leave it alone.”  But the man wouldn’t listen and stewed about it.  Finally he confronted the child’s mother about her train wreck of a child.  She told him the boy’s father had just died and she didn’t know how to tell him.  The man apologized and his heart was broken for the child.  It was as-if the man’s wife had emotional ESP.  I’ll bet he was thinking,

Ah, if I only would have listened to my wife.

Like the man in this story, we would be better off listening to our wives more.  Of course they are not perfect but neither are we.  Our wives can help us avoid many disasters if we let them.  So if I haven’t been super “awe-inspiring” with my prose in this post, I apologize.  I wanted to raise awareness of the value of wives. Buy her flowers, take her out, pamper her, but most of all remember this charge husbands:

Cherish your wife.