Consider the other side: It takes two to make or break a relationship. So while you think of the happy times also think of the bitterness you shared lately. When the two perspectives become very different do they start affecting a relationship…even if you want to hold on, your partner has to feel that way? Be rational when lamenting over the spilt milk.

Acceptance is the best choice: There is a memory that will constantly throw good and bad parts of your past life. These may even make you unsure of the present status, but after you have broken up give it a good thought whether you can live with the differences happily. Rosy memories do not mean anything.

Keep away: There are some relationships better ended and done with than have a faint connection. Surely you cannot be an acquaintance to the one you love, so it is better to keep a space and not try to get in touch to be casual friends. Old memories may cause harm disturbing you when making such connections.

Handling the pain: It will be hard to bear the sorrow and pain of loneliness. After all when you share yourself with some you gave away a bit of yourself…cherish those times and do not rubbish them. Distract yourself being busy with work and meeting other friends and relatives you neglecting probably.

Get out of the guilt trip: There is nothing to feel guilty about a break. You liked your partner and had some common perspectives and shared a life. People change and move away… it happens with best of couple. Do not go on a guilt trip thinking you are the cause. It takes two to tango…understand that.

Anger management: There are times when there will be bitter throw of words and emotions to hurt each other. Initially you would not want to miss a single chance of doing that. Control yourself then. You pain will not be less if you do that. Instead the good moments that are with you may slip away.

Socialize and keep busy: For a while the emptiness kills you. It is hard to deal with it immediately after a break up. This is the time you need to divert your mind. Distract yourself so much so that you are unmindful of what happened. Meet old buddies and relatives who long to see you, it will give you a sense of love and care.

Noting your thoughts:  Retrospection is good. It helps you understand yourself better.  Note down your thoughts and feelings which you can read at a later date and feel the pain or cherish memories. Also you feel lighter when you write down your thoughts. It is a kind of self sharing that helps.

You have to move on to another new life that is waiting for you. Stop lamenting and embrace the new with enthusiasm and zeal.

This science is however founded upon the fact that we are all biologically defined to find love. Though in the modern times we do look for independence and space it is proven that people in good relationships live longer and healthier.

The ‘attachment system’ that is being discussed is a mechanism of the brain. These are behaviors that instigate us to stay close to our loved ones. Just like a child cries, and displays emotions when lost from his parents so do we behave in adult relationships. The expressions are different but the need is the same basic need. Research pointed three categories of such babies namely the ‘secured’ anxious’ and the ‘avoidant’ types.

The secured category: When his mother left the room he cried frantically but on her return he was calm and started resuming his play again.

The anxious category: The anxious baby was in distress but when the mother returned he threw her away and showed violent expressions like bursting into tears etc.

The avoidant category: He did not react at all when the mother left. There were no expressions or communication of these on the surface but medically the heart beat rose and levels of stress hormone increased.

Research has also proven that adults take upon this behavior in love relationships. The anxious relationship is that which needs constant reassurance. If you do not hear from him then you fret and want to touch base. You want to make your partner feel jealous to get more of his attention etc. Threatening to leave in hope that he will make you stay and explain your importance is another outburst.

The avoidant needs a lot of space within the bonding. The other partner complains of distant behavior while you are feeling comfortable with the level of bonding. Usually in this case people are not ready to commit completely. They also start focusing on the imperfections of the partner or flirting with others to introduce insecurities into the personal relationship, forming impossible relationships, pulling away from strong bonds…all are signs of this type. In this case the feeling of autonomy is very high.

The secured are warm and loving. You are enjoying every bit of the relationship and communicating about the same to your partner. During a fight you are calm and patient and don’t punish your partner for a small mistake. You also know how to forgive fast. You express your feeling through simple ways and don’t make relationships complicated. You are comfortable about intimacy and sex.

You can easily read the symptoms in your partner and understand the type. But adjusting to the situation if both of you are too different is the issue. I believe in walking half way. It takes two hands to clap and make noise.

This is more for people who fall in love at the first sight. When you are very sure about it from the very start it makes sense to propose right away. The build up to the moment of confession is a very crucial one.

Find out more about your partner. Unless you know her likes and dislikes you can design an evening to her liking…so do some hard work and find out from mutual friends. Be less emphatic and dramatic. Make it casual yet special for her.

This moment is one of romance and you have to make it special. Work and speed of life has made us machines but emoting the right way in right situations is very important also. Step out of yourself and be a romantic partner for some times…girls love it that way.

Keep it half planned…as to the venue and arrangements. Also what you exactly wish to say should be a rough sketch in your mind. But let there be spontaneity to make the evening real. Let there be a space where you can be spontaneously you.

Follow your heart. You have to know how and what you want to do with your life and special moments. The expression should not be followed from a manual…it has to have your personal touch. If you like to say it with a rose do that…you may want to do that with a diamond ring or a bar of chocolate too. Never mind what is done … listen to the call of your heart.

You have to make it a quiet affair so that there is space for the two of you to interact and know each other. To wrap this moment in a special cover and treasure it for life. Usually you can book a candle light dinner table, or the quite pool side may help you create the romantic moment.

Colors and fragrances can help create ambience. You must find out which are her favorite colors and smells and incorporate them…also keeping in mind your taste and style. Basically it is an invitation to ask her to step into to your life…so your personal liking has to also be appreciated by her.

Although it is a matter of the heart and in this hunky dory stage very few get to listen to the head. Yet it is important to register her reactions of the day. These are the first signs that let you know whether at all there is compatibility between the two of you. Watch her reactions and her perceptions of your care and concern. The expressions are also important. It is essential that you want the relationship started…but only to last it for a life time. To make sure of that communicate your ardent feelings without any expectation.

‘Let me know more about it…well if you have surpassed the first few dates and looking forward to more, then it also means that you have climbed the first stair. And now can be discussing about problems at work, or otherwise. These topics may be a little personal and can be discussed with close friends…a little advice but not trying to be the all knowing savior.

Debating and arguing on topics is also a way to extend a conversation. There is a very thin line between a heated discussion and a fight…which has to be maintained at any cost. You do not know each other that much as to get down to a brawl and again come up to a friendly level perhaps.

Admiring the other person’s opinions. As if you had never thought about it. Respecting the other perspective is a very good quality and you can always start doing that to hear out and learn about a different side of views altogether. This also helps the ego remain within the relationship and the personality becoming larger than that.

If you knew about certain happenings in other person’s life like an interview, wedding in the house etc you must ask how it went and what experience was gathered from the same. If you had heard about a death in the family, that should be the first thing to enquire about. Remember you earn goodie points when you remember about such personal details which not many would know about and you had the privilege.

Compliments especially for women make a huge difference to their existence. They feel appreciated when they are noticed and complimented. And when you don’t them obviously feel something is going wrong. That you maybe overlooking her from the scene. So take some time out to notice what she is wearing and well she is coordinated and compliment on that.

Such compliments and caring remarks make a huge difference, when you notice and also talk about it you make someone feel special. After all a relationship is all about a special feeling…and nurturing and living with it. There are these small little windows which should be open for the cool breeze to be felt.

Respecting and admiring your partners ways is a great advantage. Being fake about it will not help. If truly you admire something he has done then do not shy way or hesitate to mention it. It works with men to know that they could do it and prove them to be brave and courageous. Works either ways actually…woman have also become daring and live the thrill.

Social media sites are not dating sites. Have this clear notion in your mind. Sometimes wrong conceptions can land you in a messy end. If not anything you may just be disappointed. If you are looking for partners where people have come to look for friends then it is a problem situation. There are other dating sites which are tailor made with this need. These dating websites are aided to help you find your date which may well turn into meaningful relationships.

Do not take the social media to be the Bible, do not trust and start relying upon what people say in the social media. It is a fun place and you have to take everything with a pinch of salt. Even the profile picture that you see may not be the real one. So before falling in love with the picture and the posted updates try to find out more about the real person. This reality check can happen via video chats or even chats and phone calls. For serious relationships it is necessary to get to know the truth.

The same also applied to the offline relationships as well. The social media is a great tool of interaction; do not expect anything more than that from these. You cannot judge a relationship online because basically it is a confrontation of two personalities. And in the social media you cannot judge that.

Always involve your brain and find a logical answer to the situation. Usually the heart speaks so loudly that you cannot hear your head talk. There are simple things which can make you start thinking…

• They should be ready to talk over the phone and meet you in public.
• Not just private messages they should be ready to go public with the decision of meeting and dating you.
• They should not ask for money in return for meeting you. This is a bad indication and should ring the bells immediately.
• Once public comments made they should stand by it and not deny them. Basically there are many who have fake profiles for flirting and having fun…to identify them out is the task.

Everyone has instincts which speak to them. That is a different question whether we decide to listen to them or not. It is always advisable to be able to listen to your instincts…mostly they are always right. And if you will you are doing a crime suspecting him then think of what loss you will be in if the relationship breaks and ends…so better be careful to safeguard your emotions.