Overcoming jealousy is an obstacle many individuals and couples will face from time to time. Many people experience this emotion without even realizing it, or they will know they feel that way but not sure how to get past their feelings. In relationships, jealousy can mean disaster. It can amplify feelings of suspicion, insecurity, and cause arguments between couples. It can also cause problems in job performance or other situations in life.

What is Jealousy?

Jealousy is defined as “a feeling of grudging admiration and desire to have something that is possessed by another”, which means when you feel jealous, you want what someone else has. It can be more complicated than that, since you can also feel jealous about things that are intangible. You may for example, feel jealous when your partner talks to another person of the opposite sex. In that situation, the jealousy might be of the attention that your partner is giving the other person, or you feel jealous that you don’t have what that other person has. Jealousy is not just feeling these feelings of envy, but also the resentment that comes along with it. You may get angry at yourself, your partner, or another person because of your jealous feelings.

What Causes Jealousy?

Jealousy can stem from many different reasons. Below are some of the most common reasons we feel jealous:

Competitive Nature: Many of us are naturally competitive. We want to be the best and to have the best. When we don’t have what others have or we don’t feel like we are ahead, it is easy to feel envious of what they have. There is nothing wrong with being competitive, and part of it is our natural survival instincts. However, when this competitive nature consumes you, and you feel everything and everyone is in direct competition with you, even if they may be non-threatening or unrelated, it can become a
problem.

Insecurity: Insecurity can also cause us to feel jealous from time to time. We may feel like we are inadequate or undeserving. When we doubt ourselves, it is easy to feel like others are better or superior and be naturally envious of what they want. Often the deeper the sense of insecurity, the more resentful we feel towards others who have what we don’t.

Fear: Fear can trigger a lot of different emotions. Even when you have everything you may think you want or need, you may be afraid that you could possibly lose it. Fear is a very powerful, negative emotion, and if you are afraid of your partner leaving you for example, you may become extremely jealous any time you see him or her talking to someone else.

Selfishness: We are instinctively born to think only of ourselves as part of our natural survival. Think of a newborn baby who has no regard for the people or things going on around it - they care only about their immediate needs. It is not surprising then that selfishness can carry on throughout our entire lives unless we have had an experience to make us have more concern for others. When you think of yourself constantly and what you need and want, you set yourself up for knowing all the things you do not have - and wishing that you did have the things others did. When you put others ahead of yourself, you are much less likely to be thinking about things that would cause you to become jealous.

How do You Overcome Jealousy?

If you want to overcome jealousy, these steps will help you:

1. Identify the Cause: You must first decide which of the possible reasons above may be causing your feelings. Do you feel like you are in direct competition with others? Do you feel insecure about yourself? Are you afraid of losing what you have? Do you always put yourself first and not regard the needs of others? Once you have identified the cause you can then move on to the next step.

2. Identify Triggers: If you’ve had problems finding the cause, or even if you’re pretty sure what causes these feelings, then finding triggers will help you even more. A trigger could be something such as a friend who constantly brags about their vacation plans, their fancy expensive car, their this and their that. A trigger could also be feeling jealous anytime you see your girlfriend speaking to another guy, even if it completely innocent and harmless. (IE: speaking to the librarian to try and find a book she needs) Having a list of triggers will help you further understand the cause and how to deal with it. You will be able to look past the trigger and understand the deeper underlying feelings behind it.

3. Change Your Thinking: Changing the way you think and feel is a lot easier to say than do. However, it truly is the only way replace your negative feelings with positive ones. This can be done through various ways. Self help methods would include learning about how to change your way of thinking, meditation, and reading various books that will help you get over and deal with your emotions effectively. In other cases, counseling may be of benefit, especially if resentment and jealousy issues are impacting other things going on in your life. Depending on what your triggers and causes are, you will want to address those individual issues. For example. If self esteem and insecurity issues are causing you to be jealous, then working on ways to feel better and more confident will help.

4. Talk to Your Partner: If your behavior has led to accusing your partner and a lot of arguments, it’s important to talk to your partner if you want the relationship to get back on track and repair any damage. Apologizing, explaining the reasons you feel the way you feel, and even asking for suggestions on what you could do or what they could do may help you get back on track.

Below are some additional resources available that may help with overcoming jealousy:

Do you have any thoughts or methods for overcoming jealousy? Share them in the comments below.

• A picnic. This is a classic.  You don’t even have to pack sandwiches.  Nowadays, to-go food is readily available.
• Tennis. If you know how to play, this can be a highly romantic afternoon.  We live in the high desert of California so we have to go in the early evening.  This is a great way to “get physical” before you “get physical” if you take my meaning.  If you don’t know how to play, get a book or learn free online.
• Rent a boat. If you live near a lake or ocean there are likely inexpensive paddle or row boats for sale.  Time on these can be very romantic.
• Bicycle for two. They actually rent these or you can both have your own bicycle.
• Coffee menu. Assuming the kids are away at a sitter or otherwise cared for, you can make an elaborate menu of coffee drinks for your spouse.  My wife loves mochas.  Don’t forget the whipped cream!
• The drive-in. On those hot summer nights, these can be quite romantic.

The best investment in a relationship is romance.  Take your wife out this summer and do something she will never forget.  If things aren’t going that well and it’s been a rocky time, romance helps with that too.  I love hearing stories of people connecting and dating in creative, simple kinds of ways.  If you have a story like that or just a great summer date idea, please share it in the comments.  Here’s wishing all the “It Might Be Love” readers a lovely summer.

Intimacy is a term that is often used loosely and to different people means different things. Many people mistake it for being only the physical aspect of the relationship, though it equally includes the importance of emotional closeness as well. While most couples in a sexless marriage are those most likely to be aware of their intimacy issues, they can happen to anyone in any circumstances.

It’s not easy to know what causes it to be difficult to establish or continue closeness with our partners. It can be a variety of factors, from simply being too busy to make each other a priority, to having deep harbored feelings of resentment toward one another.

In order to resolve problems with intimacy, you must first strengthen the emotional and spiritual connection between you and your partner. Passion is not going to spring out of nowhere if you feel like the person you are with is a stranger or have bottled up feelings of anger. Once you have the emotion and spiritual connection established you can then move on to repairing the physical side of your relationship.

Here are some ways you can improve the emotional connection between you and your partner:

Talk to Each Other: This may seem like an obvious one, but many partners don’t find the time to talk to each other about things that are beyond the day to day scope of living together. Discussing things such as beliefs, emotions, and feelings can all help. There’s a great ebook called 1000 Questions for Couples that will get you talking to each other again with tons of ideas as well as a few special bonuses. Our article on Conversation Starters may also get you started in the right direction.

Get Away: Sometimes taking a much needed break or going on a marriage retreat can be enough to help restore intimacy. A change of surroundings can make a huge difference, so don’t be afraid to plan a romantic getaway and see if that helps you reconnect with one another.

Understand Yourself and Your Beliefs: Sometimes finding a deeper emotional connection needs to begin with yourself. If you’ve neglected your spiritual self, there’s a chance your relationship is neglected as well. Everyone has their own individual beliefs when it comes to spirituality, but I’m a big fan of the things author Deepak Chopra has written about. His book The Path to Love: Spiritual Strategies for Healing is one that may be of benefit of you if you’re looking for something bigger than religion.

Learn How to Disagree: It’s natural to not agree with everything your partner says or does 100% of the time. Learning argue effectively can make a huge difference between disagreeing and arguing with one another.

Be More Giving: When in a relationship for a long time, we tend to stop thinking of our partner’s needs and focus only on our own. This can cause a lot of distance and strain on a relationship, which is why it’s important that both you and your partner give to each other equally. The more you give to your partner, it is likely the more you will receive.

How to Improve Physical Intimacy

After you’ve worked on improving your emotional and spiritual closeness, the next thing to do is work on your physical closeness. Here are some ideas to help you break through walls that may be built between you:

Be Spontaneous: If you’ve fallen into routine or have lost that “when we first magic”, being more spontaneous can help. Kiss your partner for no reason at all when they least expect it is one small example of something that would be very easy to do.

Hold Hands: Holding hands is a great way to reconnect with your partner and increases the emotional physical bond between the two of you. It doesn’t matter if you’re taking a walk, laying in bed, or just sitting together watching TV. It’s another easy little way to improve intimacy.

Massage: The power of a good massage can speak volumes. Take a couples massage class together, or simply spend some time massaging each other. Physical touch, without it being necessarily sexual, is a great way to improve intimacy.

While doing these things will likely help with improving the closeness between you and your partner, don’t be afraid to ask for help if they don’t. Not every couple is able to reconnect easily on their own, especially if problems such as communication issues or if other situations have added stress to the relationship. Attending a marriage seminar or marriage counseling together may be an excellent option if nothing else seems to work. Our article on help for a sexless marriage may also give you some added insight.

Do you have any ideas or thoughts for improving and resolving intimacy issues? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

You May Also Be Interested In:

• 500 Lovemaking Secrets
• What Husbands Can’t Resist
• Better Sex For Christians
• Fix Your Sexless Marriage

Below are some of our favorite long distance love quotes:

Love knows not distance; it hath no continent; its eyes are for the stars. -Gilbert Parker

So what if the distance is too long? What matters is that we have the courage of love to cover any distance which dares to separate us. -Ankush Sharma

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies. —Aristotle

Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. -Khalil Gibran

Your absense has not taught me how to be alone, it merely has shown that when together we cast a single shadow on the wall. -Doug Fetherling

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it sure makes the rest of you lonely. -Charlie Brown

Love is missing someone whenever you’re apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you’re close in heart. -Kay Knudsen

In true love the smallest distance is too great, and the greatest distance can be bridged. -Hans Nouwens

Separation exists only in human mind. -Rinon Hoxha

If you wait for me, then I’ll come for you. Although I’ve traveled far I always hold a place for you in my heart. If you think of me, If you miss me once in awhile, then I’ll return to you. I’ll return and fill that space in your heart. -Tracy Chapman, “The Promise”

Absence is to love as wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small and kindles the great. -Roger de Rabutin

In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities. -Janus Arony

I’d rather die tomorrow than live a hundred years without knowing you. -Pocahontas

If love cannot stand the test of time, then it has failed the test of love.
-Bernard Byer

Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. -Albert Einstein

The return makes one love the farewell - Alfred De Musset

Every day at five o’clock…we have to think each other’s name. Hard. Someone once told me that if two people do that at exactly the same time, their thoughts can connect and they can hear each other. - Avi, from the book Sometimes I Think I Hear My Name

Separation penetrates the disappearing person like a pigment and steeps him in gentle radiance. -Boy George

And even though I know how very far apart we are it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star. And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby, it helps to think we’re sleeping underneath the same big sky. -Somewhere Out There, from the movie An American Tail

Where we love is home - home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts. -Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Time is the longest distance between two places. -Tennessee Williams

We all take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other everywhere. - Tim McGraw

Do you have any favorite romantic long distance relationship love quotes? Share them in the comments below.