However, there really are some fairly simple words and actions that create transformation. Especially if you are consistent with them. Try these:

1. Use specific and positive words to express appreciation for one another’s actions. Whenever possible, use character-related words that honor your spouse for such qualities as patience, helpfulness, courage, or kindness.
 
2. Create regular opportunities for fun, laughter, and positive experiences. These don’t have to be expensive to work well. A picnic? A walk? Sharing and laughing over the Sunday comics?

3. Figure out what communicates love to each other and do what is most important. Is it a gift? A hug? Listening to what’s happening in the other’s life?

4. Be observant and thoughtful with little things. Making a cup of coffee? Not rolling up the socks that go in the laundry basket? Pulling the weeds in the garden?

5. Do a chore that the other dislikes. Yes, even cleaning the toilet. Vacuuming? Changing light bulbs? Sweeping the sidewalk?

Sometimes marital transformation takes a long time. But you can definitely find ways to talk and act that make an immediate difference for your spouse and marriage. Consciously doing what opens and softens your spouse’s heart will benefit you both in the long-run and keep your marriage happier.