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Tips to Eliminate Toxic Arguments from a Relationship

October 3, 2012

Communication is one of the facets that differentiate us from all other living beings. It is in fact the most important aspect of any sort of relationship. A difference in view often leads to argument and an argument can easily make or break a relationship. It is very crucial to remove the toxic arguments from a discourse. Arguing safely is something to mind if one hopes for a happy relationship. Relationship is a learning process, you learn about your partner and your partner learns about you with time, obviously there will be disagreements, some habits will nag you, and in turn you nag your partner. Small tilts definitely spice up your life but when it turns toxic, it must be removed. Arguing safely is skill that needs to be developed. Here are some steps:

1)      Mind the C’s:

It is very easy to slip on these C’s: Complain, Criticism, Contempt.

Complaining should never be done on a personal basis, it should be about a habit or an issue that you are not comfortable with. Complain in a reasonable way keeping the criticism and contempt in mind. Don’t sound scornful. Even if you drop off, apologize as immediately, it would hurt less to say sorry. Create an understanding, hence avoiding the reasons to complain.

2)      Don’t muddle:

Stick to your point, do not mix up issues. Sort your problems one at a time, deal with the others later. Do not dig the graves of issues that are years old.

3)      Track the time:

Timing is very important. Do not jump cut on your partner with your list immediately after a hard day, problems can wait. Realize that your relationship is more important than a silly argument. Discuss your problems calmly over a cup of coffee, which might solve your problem.

4)      Mind your tone:

Your tone can easily give off your mood. Avoid crudeness. Do not get down into an argument with your arsenals on check. End it on a comfortable note. Starting the conversation in a composed tone is a must; your start shouldn’t warn off your partner and make him/her run in the opposite direction.

5)      Everything can’t be resolved:

All issues can’t be resolved, but that doesn’t mean you can’t try. Don’t be too stubborn about it; after all you love him/her for what they are. So, try not to change all their habits.

6)      The repair mechanism:

Nobody wants to get into a nasty argument. So, when you notice that the situation is getting out of your hands, back off. Try to repair the damage done.

7)      Drop the walls: Do not stonewall yourself. One of the worst mechanisms is to ignore. Be responsive to the issues. Nobody likes to talk to a wall. Stonewalling destroys the essence of a relationship since one of you doesn’t care enough to resolve your issues.

Resolve your issues calmly. Discipline your words, and learn to compromise, show respect to partner’s choices and give some space, share your problems, after all love is all about sharing.

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