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Modern Relationships and Why They Don’t Last

September 11, 2012

Let’s take you back a couple of decades. A typical relationship then is so much more different from what it is now. The boy and girl first probably met in college, or belonged to the same locality. Then they interacted through mutual friends, and first were in each other’s friendzones. Then one of them made an offer for a date, and hence the love story emerged. The mode of talking was so much different. The people usually had to meet in order to talk, and the meetings were not the most common. Subsequently, landline phones came in and eased things a little bit, but interaction was still difficult.

Fast forward to the current time. A guy would see a girl’s photo on a social site, or in real life. Inevitably he would come back to the social site to search for that girl’s profile. Then he would know a bit about her and try to talk to her. This would lead to a friend request being sent by you and being accepted by her. After that, you people start talking. Slowly, you take her cell phone number and talk on text messaging. Then, you might finally get to meet her once or twice. After some more days of texting, you might ask her for a date. If it’s a yes, then you date each other.

There are striking differences between the two times. In one time, the entire love story was based on meeting each other and falling in love. In the other, it was about exchanging messages over different modes of communication. The difference may seem simple, but the implications are huge. They are huge due to the fact that there is no understanding which develops between the parties in the latter case. When you meet and talk to each other, you gradually get to know and understand each other. In case of exchanging messages, there is this compatibility, this understanding which perhaps lacks. In many cases, people find themselves very awkward when they meet a person they have been talking to for months on social sites. This is because, both of them seem to know each other well, but they are not at all comfortable in each other’s presence. In a relationship and in a marriage, it is inevitable that you have to spend a huge part of your everyday life with your partner. Now since there is no prior experience of being comfortable with your partner, then you might be in for a bad experience and this may spell doom for the relationship.

Another reason that can be given is that people can lie and hide a lot of things on social networks and smses. While in real life, that risk is minimized. Hence, you don’t go in expecting something and get something else.

The other thing is the ease of communication. When it is so easy to contact and talk to someone, then perhaps you don’t value the conversations as much as you would when you meet that person once a week. There is a value that you start giving the person and you tend to try harder for your relationship.

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