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I always have a “to do” list as an online writer and teacher. A couple days ago instead of doing anything on my list, I clicked around here and there checking things about my job ad my online work to make the list much much longer. After two hours, in fact, my “to do” list had 28 tasks on it. Whew, just writing it makes me remember how tired I felt looking at it. I am happy to say that two days later, it was finally done. Well, except for one thing: getting an idea for an IMBL article. So, here I am … with an idea I think is worth sharing!
My wife also keeps lists. She is excellent at budgeting our money and recently adopted a strategy of putting money into categories to save even more than she has previously. She works tirelessly at her job as a substitute teacher as well as a mom, wife, and “household manager.” In the course of day her list might include “Pick up the wagon through Freecycler,” “Shop for bathroom sundries,” or even just “Read another chapter in True Blood.” She never has a shortage of things to do and neither do I.
But today something happened that got me thinking bout how I had been acting selfish. I really get involved in my projects and sometimes, regrettably, I forget to praise her for the work she is doing on her list. That got me thinking: We both should put some tasks collectively on “our list.” In doing so, we make a point to do things together and at the same time, we can develop habits of achieving goals together instead of separate. In short, it is a way of maintaining “her list, his list, and our list.” I think a healthy relationship can handle this.
I recognize that there are some couples out there who don’t care to know their spouse’s list. Much less share a to do list with their spouse. I’m not really writing to that audience. Then again, that sort of couple would probably not care to even read a site like IMBL. After all, we are in theory couples or singles seeking to be better at love. Some people are content to suck at it. I am pleased to say that I AM very interested in improving my communication with my wife Sarah. We have made an appointment to sit down once a week and make an “our list” and then work at completing it together. How about you? Have you thought about a her list, his list, or “our list” lately? Consider your spouse or significant other as having a list equal to your own. I think just doing that will help you in understanding her/him. Do you have an opinion? I’d welcome a discussion in the comments section. If you liked what you read here, you might enjoy other topics at my blog.
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It used to me that my husband and I lived in two separate work bubbles. We do completely different things for a living, so whenever one of us asked “how’s work?” or “how was your day?” the answer was usually one word long, “fine” “good” etc. I am a writer, too, and I’ve found it difficult to explain the frustrations involved with it to people who are not writers, but I’ve made a concerted attempt over the past year to do this with my husband. At first it wasn’t easy. The conversations felt forced and it didn’t seem as if I could come up with anything interesting. it sort of felt as if I was talking off a to-do list. But eventually he started to understand my dreams and career and me his. The other night we went out to dinner and just chattered away. I thought, “This is my marriage? This is me and my husband TALKING?” It’s really worth it to make the effort.
I really love the idea of an “ours list”, and I think it helps bring you closer together by knowing what is going on with each other’s to-do lists as well. Like Alisa said, making the effort really does pay off
I want to thank you for this idea on lists. I have my own list and he has his but we never did an ours before. As a couple with 3 kids, a medium sized cattle ranch along with full time jobs we start at 6:30 and do not stop until well after 9 at night.
We each forget just how much we have to do and this will help us come together to know we are sharing a big load.