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Her List, His List, and Our List

April 8, 2010

Our List on RTM

I always have a “to do” list as an online writer and teacher. A couple days ago instead of doing anything on my list, I clicked around here and there checking things about my job ad my online work to make the list much much longer. After two hours, in fact, my “to do” list had 28 tasks on it. Whew, just writing it makes me remember how tired I felt looking at it. I am happy to say that two days later, it was finally done. Well, except for one thing: getting an idea for an IMBL article. So, here I am … with an idea I think is worth sharing!

My wife also keeps lists. She is excellent at budgeting our money and recently adopted a strategy of putting money into categories to save even more than she has previously. She works tirelessly at her job as a substitute teacher as well as a mom, wife, and “household manager.” In the course of  day her list might include “Pick up the wagon through Freecycler,” “Shop for bathroom sundries,” or even just “Read another chapter in True Blood.” She never has a shortage of things to do and neither do I.

But today something happened that got me thinking bout how I had been acting selfish. I really get involved in my projects and sometimes, regrettably, I forget to praise her for the work she is doing on her list. That got me thinking: We both should put some tasks collectively on “our list.” In doing so, we make a point to do things together and at the same time, we can develop habits of achieving goals together instead of separate. In short, it is a way of maintaining “her list, his list, and our list.” I think a healthy relationship can handle this.

I recognize that there are some couples out there who don’t care to know their spouse’s list. Much less share a to do list with their spouse. I’m not really writing to that audience. Then again, that sort of couple would probably not care to even read a site like IMBL. After all, we are in theory couples or singles seeking to be better at love. Some people are content to suck at it. I am pleased to say that I AM very interested in improving my communication with my wife Sarah. We have made an appointment to sit down once a week and make an “our list” and then work at completing it together. How about you? Have you thought about a her list, his list, or “our list” lately? Consider your spouse or significant other as having a list equal to your own. I think just doing that will help you in understanding her/him. Do you have an opinion? I’d welcome a discussion in the comments section. If you liked what you read here, you might enjoy other topics at my blog.

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I’m a teacher and songwriter in California. It's always a pleasure writing for It Might be Love. I married my wife in 2002 and we have 3 kids. You can read more about me at my Google profile here. Get updates on Twitter and on my blog.

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