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Singled Out: Everybody Has a Date But You

July 27, 2009

singled-out-cropOne of the hardest things to deal with when you are not in a relationship is that you end up feeling singled out a lot. Your closest friends are all in relationships or maybe even married, leaving you feel like a third wheel if you go anywhere with them. Even if you’re not feeling like a third wheel, sometimes couples have a way of assuming that you do.

To make matters worse, your friends might talk to you about who they are dating or how things are going in their relationship and instead of being happy for them if things are going well, you find yourself either not caring or being bitter about it.

Being singled out is one of those things that can happen at any age – it’s not just a young person who’s friends have all started dating and getting married. Those who are getting over a divorce might find themselves back in the single scene while they are nearing retirement age – making it even more difficult in some cases.

It’s hard to say why friendships seem to be one of the most difficult things to maintain when one of the friends starts dating or gets married, especially if it’s been a long time friendship such as two friends who have known each other since kindergarten. Part of it might be that we often fall in the quest to find true love that we forget about the other people in our life – the other part may stem in the fact that suddenly the things you used to do with your friend are now replaced by the new love interest of theirs. I don’t think it is intentional or fueled by emotion – it happens simply because there are only 24 hours a day and while we’d like to talk to everybody it’s just not always possible.

So What’s A Single Guy or Girl To Do?

If you’re stuck feeling like you’re the only one who’s still single or without a date, here’s some tips to help you deal with it:

1. Don’t Feel Sorry For Yourself: It’s easy to get caught up in the whole “woe is me, nobody wants to hang out with me” kind of thinking. Once you get into the self pity party it’s hard to get back out and go enjoy yourself. If you start feeling like you’re a hopeless loser, (and  know it’s totally natural to feel that way) – remember just because that’s the way you feel doesn’t make it true.

2. Immerse Yourself in Activities: It doesn’t matter what kind of activity you decide to be interested in – one of the best ways to deal with being single is to keep yourself occupied doing things you genuinely enjoy doing. Take up salsa dancing classes or do things you’d never considered before. Not only will you have fun, but you’ll likely meet some new people to interact with as well.

3. Make the Effort if the Friendship is Important to You: If the friendship is important to you, then you will need to be the one to make the effort to keep the friendship going. A lot of times when friends get married and start having kids it’s not that they don’t want to hang out with you or see you – in fact it could be the opposite, they just haven’t had the time to call. They might not call you not because they suddenly stopped liking you, but maybe are afraid now that they’ve settled down and have the boring life you wouldn’t be interested in them anymore.

4. Don’t Go On Dates Out of Desperation: To make up with your single-hood-ness, you could go on multiple dates on that quest to find true love. There’s thousands of online dating sites to try and meeting up with someone takes no little more than a few clicks of a mouse. But there’s a big difference between dating someone out of desperation and dating someone because they genuinely interest you. When you’re in desperation mode, you might find yourself settling for less than you really deserve or tricking yourself into thinking you like someone when really maybe the chemistry is not even there. Make a Rule: You’ll only date someone because they genuinely interest you and have similiar interests and passions – not just because they are a date.

5. If All Else Fails, Remember This: All friendships and relationships on earth come to an end eventually. While this might not seem like uplifting advice, if you think of it that some people may only be meant to be in our lives for a little while, you can look back being thankful for what you had and move forward to enjoy each and every day from this point forward. Nothing lasts forever, which is why its important to enjoy every single day you have – whether you’re with your old friends or meeting and making new ones.

Do you have any thoughts about being singled out when all your friends are in relationships except for you? We’d love to hear your comments below.

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