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The Eyes Have it

July 13, 2009

eye (Photo by Arnoooo) I have a homework assignment for all you lovers out there that will pay huge dividends. I know this because it is for me. Whether you’re dating or in a long term relationship it’s quite simple, yet very effective: “Each day make time to look your spouse in the eye.” The other day I tried this with my wife Sarah. Ironically because I had read it in a communication book for teaching not related to love. When I looked her intently in the eye I realized my wife’s eyes had flints of color in them I hadn’t really stopped to notice before. She looked at me and told me about my eyes. She said they had a hazel tinge in a certain light and there was a bluish ring around the colored areas. I ran to the mirror and saw what she was talking about. It was an unwitting intimate moment as we laughed and described each other’s eyes.

Someone out there might leave a comment that says: “I’ve been happily married for ## years and I have always taken the time to look my husband/wife in the eye. Tell me something I don’t know.” Well, if that’s the case, you are more attentive than me. I forget to do this, I need to remember. I assume there are people like me out there, so I’m offering my experience.  That’s how I see the purpose of blogging in general.

There are many things in a relationship we forget to do or take for granted as we get overly comfortable with someone. Let’s take the obvious one first: kissing. On David Letterman last night I heard him tell a joke that went like this:

“If you want to cure yourself of French kissing, get married.”

Ouch. The truth hurts. This is something we take for granted I think. I haven’t talked to any of my guy friends about this per se but I can tell you this romantic kiss can get forgotten sometimes. It takes a bit of effort to do the things you did when you were “new” as a couple. I think when Sarah and I were first dating, that was the ONLY type of kiss we would exchange. Now, they are admittedly much farther between. When you are “new” there is the romance and wonder of what each new moment and date will bring. Three kids later and three different houses, we’ve gone through so much together it’s easy to forget the romance that it was all about in the first place. I want to make sure that doesn’t happen whenever I can help it.

Looking my wife in the eyes is mesmerizing and something I am trying to do more. Perhaps I should make a list of all the things I’ve been neglecting and make a point to do them more. That would be too personal to list here. Still, the idea that there could be a list for me … and you … and all married couples could be an inspiration to someone. A lot of romantic stuff is important to keep alive in your relationship but for what I’m taking on now: “The eyes have it.” In love it is true as a wise man once said: “A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” Try purposefully looking into your wife/husband’s eyes and see what develops.

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I’m a teacher and songwriter in California. It's always a pleasure writing for It Might be Love. I married my wife in 2002 and we have 3 kids. You can read more about me at my Google profile here. Get updates on Twitter and on my blog.

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