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Dating Tips for Shy Guys

February 17, 2009

dating-tips-for-shy-guysDating as a shy guy doesn’t have to be a nightmare of rejection and torture. With a little help from our dating tips for shy guys we’ve put together below, dating can actually be fun again!

Overcoming shyness for many people is a difficult thing to do – so the #1 thing to know is this: There is nothing wrong with you for being a little shy when it comes to approaching new people. Feeling apprehensive about dating someone is a natural feeling also – there’s a reason why the phrase “butterflies in my stomach” is often linked to dating and falling in love.

So that you have been reassured that what you are feeling is common and normal, the next question naturally is “how do I overcome my shyness to date someone?”

Dating Tips for Shy Guys

1. Practice Talking to Complete Strangers: Talking to non-intimidating strangers can be a great way to build up your conversation skills as well as build up self confidence in talking to potential dates. Who can you talk to? Librarians, retail clerks, bank tellers, people sitting in a waiting room next to you, etc. etc. You don’t have to become best friends with these people or even try to get a phone number – you simply want to practice making small talk.

2. Stay True To Yourself: You don’t have to change who you are to overcome shyness when asking someone out. Stay true to who you really are and your values and beliefs and you’ll succeed a lot more if you try to be someone or something you are not. Sometimes even being bluntly honest in saying “I’m kind of shy” when first meeting someone might even help break the ice and make them decide they might want to get to know you better.

3. Make Eye Contact & Practice Open Body Language: Making eye contact shows someone you are interested in them and are genuinely listening to them. Open body language will also make others feel that you are easy to talk to. So while you may be tempted to cross your arms or legs, try not to. The more receptive you are to others talking to you makes it much easier for them to approach you instead of you approaching them.

4. Practice the Power of Positive Thinking: When feeling shy, it is easy for guys (and girls!) to start thinking of all kinds of negative thoughts. Learn how to change those negative thoughts into positive ones. For example, instead of thinking “She’s too pretty for me” think “She’s very pretty, she’d look even prettier standing with me.” Sounds cheesy, I know – but if you get in the habit of spinning negative thoughts into positive ones it can make a huge difference in your confidence levels.

5. Plan Conversation Topics: Having a nice arsenal of things to talk about with someone can really help you feel more comfortable in talking to someone who otherwise may make you feel like your tongue has become trapped in your throat. Writing it out ahead of time may help you. What can you talk about? Anything really – genuine compliments, people/places/objects around you, news, books, movies, music, travel, food, etc. etc.

6. Practice Relaxation Techniques: Whether you try deep breathing exercises, visualization practices, or even spiritual meditation, learning ways to relax and self calm any nervousness can help immensely. If you have feelings of anxiety about dating from your shyness, relaxation techniques can do you wonders in regaining focus.

7. Meet Potential Dates in the Right Places: Some places are perfect for shy people to meet girls – in social settings, such as a party or outing with friends, meeting online first (See our page of Online Dating Resources), or places you feel comfortable in can help you overcoming shyness in dating.

8. Take Conversation to The Next Level: Once you feel comfortable talking with someone, the next step is to spend more time with them to get to know them better. Our article on How to Ask Someone For Their Phone Number is a great way to go from casual introductions to getting a date or phone number. The next time you see each other doesn’t even have to be a date – maybe the person would like to hang out with you and some friends next week at a giant public event everyone and their mother is going to?


Hopefully these dating tips for shy guys will help you feel a little more comfortable in dating. You may not instantly start attracting every person you want to meet, but over time as you build more confidence and conversation skills, you’ll eventually forget you were a shy guy dating at all.

Have any dating tips for shy guys? Share them in the comments below!


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