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10 Ways to Show Your Wife You Desire Her

February 10, 2009


I’m always glad to guest blog here, sharing what I have learned and what I am still learning about love. Your comments are always appreciated and I try to answer every one. Let’s make this a dialogue. -Damien Riley

Wives want to be desired.  I know this because my wife told me so a long time ago.  It’s not that hard to figure them out once you’ve mastered that fact.  So, when you know what they want, how do you give it to them.  That’s not so easy.  Women vary in what they see as romantic but as a general rule, if you show them you value them, you are close to winning them over.  The following ten items are ones I try to remember to do.  You don’t have to do them all at once, in fact, these might be more appreciated when they are done periodically over time, from the heart.  My wife and I do not have a perfect marriage but we truly love each other.  We are always trying ways to make it work more smoothly.  I feel strongly based on 6 years of marriage that these 10 suggestions go a long way to convincing her she is the one whom you desire.

Touch her. There are many books on this and some women have different preferences here.  It can be as simple as rubbing the top of her hand or simply massaging her back.  Touch is very important and you should be consciously doing it as often as you remember.

Ask about her projects. Make sure you don’t forget that your wife has a life and job just like you do.  Ask her about it and show genuine interest when you do so.  As you draw near to her this way, she will draw near to you.  Her support will grow exponentially when you ask about what she is doing away from you.

Remember details when she shares. After listening to her, recall things and details she said.  If you have to, jot them down for future conversations.  We all like it when people remember what we’ve said.  Your wife is no exception, in fact, she likes it more than most.  More importantly, she needs to hear the support from you.

Mirror her when she shares. Mirroring is like instant validation.  It has value for many reasons.  It sounds like: “What I heard you say was: …”

Sit/cuddle next to her on the couch. My wife and I usually sit on separate couches.  Often when I am working through something for my blog or lesson plans, I sense the need to breakaway and just go sit next to her.  Her coy smile of surprise always lets me know that this simple act showed I desire her.

Surprise her with a babysitter and take her out. This is easier said than done but highly worth it, I have found.

Call her in the day from work for no reason other than “I’m thinking of you.”

Say sentences like: “I appreciate it when you …” Again, the validation is crucial.  Remember guys that no one can affect your wife as much as you can.  Don’t think automatically she is ok with you and herself and the kids and everything else in this chaotic life.  You need to be the voice of calm and strength liftin her up and convincing her every day that you indeed desire her.

Clean up the bedroom and light a scented candle before bedtime. A fun one!

Ask her opinion about the important issues of your career. Entrust your wife with this one and you will find its a double win!

In closing:  Are there some other ways you know to show your wife you desire her? Please share.

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I’m a teacher and songwriter in California. It's always a pleasure writing for It Might be Love. I married my wife in 2002 and we have 3 kids. You can read more about me at my Google profile here. Get updates on Twitter and on my blog.

8 Responses to 10 Ways to Show Your Wife You Desire Her

  1. Chris@Joyce Meyer Books on February 11, 2009 at 7:34 pm

    Nice tips bro! I’m sure a lot of guys out there will remember these ones, especially that Valentines is just around the corner.

    In the meantime, I’ll have to go now and sit beside my wife. :)

  2. Chelle on February 11, 2009 at 11:04 pm

    Thanks so much for the guest post again Damien, I always enjoy reading what you have to say! These are all fantastic ideas…we might need a Part II for how to show husbands we like them :)

  3. Damien Riley on February 13, 2009 at 12:56 am

    @Chris: Thank you. I am lucky to have my wife, I forget to do these things a lot yet she has patience w/me.

    @Chelle: You are so welcome. It is a pleasure to be a guest author here. I’m blessed to share the stuff here I have learned about relationships.

    Damien Rileys last blog post..Lest Anyone Think I do This for the Money …

  4. jeniffer on February 13, 2009 at 11:12 am

    nice tip! according to surveys.. women are easily aroused just by touching. But that’s what the research said.. there are actually exception always.. :)

  5. Jasmin Wilson@Fashion and vintage on February 15, 2009 at 4:02 am

    It is so true that women want to be desired. For me, asking about my projects, and showing genuine interest is very important. Thanks for this beautiful post.

    Jasmin Wilsons last blog post..Fashion & Accessories

  6. Olivier @ Breast Pumps on February 16, 2009 at 3:49 pm

    Many of the suggestions can be replaced by: care about your woman. I guess it is the only real thing that matters: care about her. And show that you care about her.

  7. Kevin@ Watch the Clone Wars on February 18, 2009 at 1:18 pm

    I couldnt agree more with you on these tips. Its easier said than done…

  8. rob@brighton art on March 12, 2009 at 5:35 pm

    i agree with all of the above, but putting it into practice, well that’s another matter! but i will try.

    robs last blog post..Sex Slaves I’ve Known