I’m always glad to guest blog here, sharing what I have learned and what I am still learning about love. Your comments are always appreciated and I try to answer every one. Let’s make this a dialogue. -Damien Riley
Wives want to be desired. I know this because my wife told me so a long time ago. It’s not that hard to figure them out once you’ve mastered that fact. So, when you know what they want, how do you give it to them. That’s not so easy. Women vary in what they see as romantic but as a general rule, if you show them you value them, you are close to winning them over. The following ten items are ones I try to remember to do. You don’t have to do them all at once, in fact, these might be more appreciated when they are done periodically over time, from the heart. My wife and I do not have a perfect marriage but we truly love each other. We are always trying ways to make it work more smoothly. I feel strongly based on 6 years of marriage that these 10 suggestions go a long way to convincing her she is the one whom you desire.
Touch her. There are many books on this and some women have different preferences here. It can be as simple as rubbing the top of her hand or simply massaging her back. Touch is very important and you should be consciously doing it as often as you remember.
Ask about her projects. Make sure you don’t forget that your wife has a life and job just like you do. Ask her about it and show genuine interest when you do so. As you draw near to her this way, she will draw near to you. Her support will grow exponentially when you ask about what she is doing away from you.
Remember details when she shares. After listening to her, recall things and details she said. If you have to, jot them down for future conversations. We all like it when people remember what we’ve said. Your wife is no exception, in fact, she likes it more than most. More importantly, she needs to hear the support from you.
Mirror her when she shares. Mirroring is like instant validation. It has value for many reasons. It sounds like: “What I heard you say was: …”
Sit/cuddle next to her on the couch. My wife and I usually sit on separate couches. Often when I am working through something for my blog or lesson plans, I sense the need to breakaway and just go sit next to her. Her coy smile of surprise always lets me know that this simple act showed I desire her.
Surprise her with a babysitter and take her out. This is easier said than done but highly worth it, I have found.
Call her in the day from work for no reason other than “I’m thinking of you.”
Say sentences like: “I appreciate it when you …” Again, the validation is crucial. Remember guys that no one can affect your wife as much as you can. Don’t think automatically she is ok with you and herself and the kids and everything else in this chaotic life. You need to be the voice of calm and strength liftin her up and convincing her every day that you indeed desire her.
Clean up the bedroom and light a scented candle before bedtime. A fun one!
Ask her opinion about the important issues of your career. Entrust your wife with this one and you will find its a double win!
In closing: Are there some other ways you know to show your wife you desire her? Please share.