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Sexless Marriage Help: What to do in a Sexless Marriage

January 17, 2009


If you’re in a sexless marriage, there’s a good chance you’re not alone. It’s estimated that 1 in 5 couples do not regularly have sex together. The good news is that there is help for sexless marriages, and that overcoming the problem does not mean the relationship needs to end.

A sexless marriage can be defined as many different things – maybe you don’t have sex at all, maybe sex is once a month and lacks passion. Sometimes a decrease in sex in a marriage is a result of marriage problems or other issues that are affecting the couple’s communication skills and intimacy. Whatever the situation may be, when you feel like you have lost the intimate connection with your partner, it can be both puzzling and devastating. Embarrassment often keeps many couples from getting the help they need to get their love life back to where it used to be. Since sex is expected in so many relationships, admitting that you are having sexual problems is not the easiest thing to do.

This article on finding help for a sexless marriage is not to say that sex is required in a happy marriage. It is possible that both partners mutually accept that there is no sex in their relationship and they still feel good about their relationship. But for the majority of couples, not having sex usually leaves at least one partner feeling confused, unsatisfied, or unloved. It’s those concerns that make it important that a sexless marriage be addressed sooner than later. Marriage problems can be the cause or the result of a lack of intimacy in your relationship with one another.

To understand what to do when your partner and you stop having sex, it’s important to first understand the causes of a sexless marriage. While there are literally hundreds of possible causes, some of the most common ones are listed below:

Depression: Depression often goes undiagnosed in many people and can cause many people to lose all interest in sex or those around them. Depression affects many adults and is a treatable, curable condition when addressed. However, denying depression exists or not seeking help for depression can cause it and marriage problems to get worse.

Communication Problems: Many couples have problems communicating about day to day issues or other things. When you can’t communicate over who will be taking the kids to school, its even more difficult to communicate each other’s sexual needs to one another.

Resentment: Resentment can put a halt on just about any relationship. It is usually developed over a period of time and only builds as one partner continually feels as if they’ve been “wronged” by the other partner. Marriage help is often necessary to help couples work through feelings of resentment towards one another.

Hormonal Changes: Many women ironically who start taking birth control pills might suddenly find themselves not wanting anything to do with sex. It’s also possible to have this after childbirth, when being pregnant, menopause or taking other medications that might change your hormones. Men can also be subject to different medications or hormonal changes that make them lose their interest in sex. This can often be helped through advising with a doctor.

The magic starts disappearing: It’s hard to have that same magical sexual experience you had when you were both first married after you have to schedule sex or worry about kids waking up. Intimacy starts declining until sex is more of a chore than an enjoyable thing for both partners to do together.

Each individual marriage is unique, and don’t fret if your problems don’t seem to fall into one of the common causes listed above. It could be a combination of the reasons above or something completely different all together. Now that we understand some of the causes of a sexless marriage, we can start looking at what to do when you’re in a marriage that lacks passion and intimacy and get the marriage help you need.

1. See How Your Partner Feels: Chances are if you feel like you are in a sexless marriage, your partner probably feels the same way. Talking to your partner may be uncomfortable, but its important to see if you’re both on the same page. Be non-accusing and non-judgmental while talking to avoid arguments or hurt feelings.

2. Take Action Today: The longer you wait, the longer the problems will continue and likely escalate. Do one small thing today – check out some books from your local library, or order books about rekindling sex in your relationship from the privacy of your own home. If embarrassment is stopping you from getting print books – you can download the ebook Fix Your Sexless Marriage here. It even comes with a 60 day money back guarantee and no one will know you’ve been reading it or accidentally find it stashed somewhere in hiding. All of these books will help you understand your situation and give you ideas and the resources to start making a difference sooner than later. Some may even be able to provide the marriage help you need without having to go to the next step.

3. Consider Marriage Counseling: Marriage counseling is something a lot of couples don’t want to do but may NEED if they ever hope to get their relationship back on track. Even if your partner is unwilling, you can still go to counseling and hopefully reap some of the benefits. Check with your insurance company, and you may even be able to go for free or for a small co-pay.

A sexless marriage can be fixed, but only if you are willing to take action to help change the situation! If you continue to go on feeling unhappy about your relationship, it can only make matters worse and lead to bigger problems.

Have any thoughts or advice for someone is a sexless marriage? Leave your comments below.

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Chelle is a freelance writer and married to the funniest guy in the world, mom of some cute crazy kids, and write mostly from my own experiences in love and relationships.

4 Responses to Sexless Marriage Help: What to do in a Sexless Marriage

  1. John on January 19, 2009 at 7:08 am


    I suffer from MS and have had my problems. For a long time I never said anything and avoided the issue, it was ony when was confronted by my wife that I opened up and started talking.

    For me that is the key, talk, talk, talk, and then talk some more. My wife could not help with a problem she knew nothing about.

    Now things are alot better. I hope this helps some of your readers.

    All the best

    Johns last blog post..Pepper Spray UK – Looking To Buy

  2. Jeff@Springfield IL Mortgage on January 21, 2009 at 3:36 pm

    My wife and I are married now for 10 months and I am very worried that it will happen to us. Thank you so much for the advice and tips that I found here.

  3. Angel McClinton on January 21, 2009 at 4:08 pm


    Just WOW. What a staggering statistic. Thank goodness it doesn’t HAVE to be that way. Sex should actually get BETTER with more intimacy. Don’t you think? Thanks for encouraging people to talk and get help. After 17 years, I can honestly say that I still seek advice for my marriage. It’s a good thing.

    Angel McClintons last blog post..Must See Online Video Event: STIKAM Streaming NATPE Conference Live From Las Vegas

  4. Pigeon Pest Control on February 3, 2009 at 6:05 pm

    I’ll definitely have to give this article to my wife :) hehe

    Pigeon Pest Controls last blog post..Pigeon Repellent