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This is a guest post by Damien Riley
To be appreciated by your wife during gift giving season, it could be Christmas, a birthday, anniversary, you name it, you need to have a key ingredient which I will explain today. All of us guys have at one point or another come up way short on the gift we chose. There is nothing worse that spending time in lines to get something she’ll never enjoy. At the same time, a wife is likely to appreciate a lousy gift that you spent a lot of time searching for over one you spent very little time on. Usually, this is quite obvious to her.
The key ingredient guys is “effort.” In my experience, my wife appreciates a gift she knows I started looking for and acquiring early based on an intrinsic idea about what she wanted. She will usually know if I went out to Rite-Aid at midnight to get her a marked-down music box or something. And of course, you never want to get in the doghouse by purchasing her something completely suicidal like a vaccuum cleaner.
Case in point: Jewelry is something most women adore as a gift. Easy fix right? Well, that’s the tragic mistake most men make. Before buying jewelry a man needs to think about the kind of effort the piece will represent. Will she know you had your secretary go buy it for her on her lunch break? Will she know you got it on a Gottschalk’s 1/2 price table at the downtown mall? Do the stones and their arrangement have any special significance that you “looked for” with “effort?” If not, you will find you spent your money for nothing and she will probably not even wear it. For sure, it will have no meaning for you guys as you continue your journey together.
My example is only from jewelry. You might find that a tiny ninety-nine cent rose from a gas station is received with a romantic kiss and embrace, provided it was something you pulled over on an icy road while rushing home to get for her. Again, the gift matters not guys. It is all about the “E” word. It may be too late to put that kind of effort into Christmas at this point but remember to set your task reminders for each holiday way ahead so you can not only select the perfect gift but then put forth the visible effort that will show you really love her and care enough to work for her. It all boils down to this: your wife wants to know that she is on your mind.
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As a guy I couldn’t agree more. I’ve tried both and there is no argument over what works best.
Two things that I do feel can increase the value of a present representing less effort than it could have is:
1) the price – it you have spent a fortune it can compensate for some of the effort
2) the card – if you put a lot of effort and thought into the card you write that can almost in itself be the present.
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You are absolutely right, excellent article. It has nothing to do with the gift or the the amount of money, just the amount of time you spent thinking about her, and knowing her.
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@agolf That’s a great observation about the money. I think our society gets caught up in that when wives and girlfriends really don’t judge a gifts value that way. Of course, everyone loves an expensive gift once in a while, male or female
@searchingwithin That would be a good gauge for guys: “How much does this show I ‘know’ her.” Thanks for your comment.
I agree totally that effort means more than money sometimes. i think some guys go overboard and try to make something when they aren’t artists. I believe that a happy medium needs to be met. Its really not that hard. just when you’re out shopping listen to what they think is “cute” or whatever, and then go back later and get it or something similar. Thats what i try to do and it works great.
@swimsuit coverups, The idea of going back is so great. Thanks for that.
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There’s no doubt that the E word is important. Sometimes, it doesn’t even take a lot of effort for a gift to be meaningful.
As an example, making a reservation at a restaurant that your wife mentioned in passing is so easy to do, yet can mean so much, just because you remembered.
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Thanks again Damien for an excellent article and everyone for the comments!
Jordan’s method is one my hubby uses a lot – we were out one night and I saw these slippers I loved but didn’t want to spend money on…hubby surprised me with them for my bday. It showed he was actually paying attention and remembered without me asking for them
Chelles last blog post..Gifts for Your Wife: Remember the “E” Word
It’s always a pleasure writing here at IMBL. Hey to all, the reference where I use the term “doghouse” came from this video, have you seen it yet? Hysterical:
http://bewareofthedoghouse.com/VideoPage.aspx
Damien Rileys last blog post..Sound Smarter Trick for Bloggers
Effort is really important! It shows the sincerity of your gift. I recommend one gift that might made your wife smile (or even LOL) is an island getaway for two and spend 24 hours with her.
You are absolutely right. This is the criteria for gifts. No one cares about a gift unless it means something.
I know that for my wife, the “E” is more important than anything else. I could make her a cheesy card, and she will love & cherish it more than a diamond ring because of the effort I put in.
For Christmas, she got a stainless steel travel mug (huge coffee addict) & some way out knee socks. All stuff that she loves, and she was so happy, I thought she was gonna cry. It was really sweet.
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Very true (I can say from my bad experience). Next time I’ll put much more effort in my gifts. Very good observation. Thanks.
Guys, may I just say (as a woman) that you can probably save the money on an expensive gift if you got it just on last thoughts. We women can usually tell. Then it is really better to “fess up” and tell her, and buy her a red rose, give her a kiss and tell her you love her to bits. Honesty will usually be appreciated.
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Couldn’t agree more…a poor-looking card you made on your own will make your wife more happy than if you bought her a fancy card from outside…women love being cared for.
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I think most women can tell if you really go out of your way to give a great gift as opposed to not trying and buying the most simple and generic thing you can think of.
Don’t forget the ‘T’ word… thoughtfulness… it doesn’t have to be expensive, can just be something simple but it shows you’ve thought of her
I appreciate the fact that this post is coming from a guy. It can’t be more true that sometimes, even the most expensive item does not even matter to a wife if the gift is given without much considerations. I know its hard for husbands to find the ‘perfect’ gift and to be honest, it does not even exist!
Its very important for husbands to know his wife’s love language. What this means is simply finding out what your wife will need in order to feel loved.