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The Secret Language of Lovers and Friends

July 2, 2008

Have you ever had that connection with someone where you don’t have to say anything, but you can still completely communicate with each other? I call it the secret language of lovers and friends, though I’m sure someone out there might have a better term for it.

You might know what I’m talking about though – it can be anything as simple as the subtle “let’s get the hell out of here” signal that you give someone without actually saying it.  Having kids can also help you develop this secret language, since there are always times that you need to say something that you don’t want them to overhear (such as “maybe tomorrow we can go to the M-U-S-E-U-M as a S-U-R-P-R-I-S-E”). Other times you may be with other friends or family who are asking you to do something and you’ve got to quickly tell them “no” without the other party knowing or hurting their feelings.

The secret language of lovers and friends is something that seems to develop the best over time – and spending lots of time together. The better you know each other, the easier it is to predict or “feel out” what your friend or partner is thinking. As you get closer and closer to each other during the duration of your relationship, chances are you’ll notice there are times when it seems like you start reading each others’ minds and of course the classic finishing of each others’ sentences.

Maybe our minds and souls are connected, or maybe we’ve just become REALLY good at learning to subconciously read each others’ body language. Whatever the reason is behind it, having your own secret language is definitely a good thing to have.

Want to strengthen your secret language with a friend or your partner? Here are some neat exercises you can try:

Practice Sign Language: Even if you don’t know real sign language, I’m sure you’ve played the game charades before. Take some time once in awhile, maybe a half an hour, or longer if you have the time to spare, where you have to talk to each other but aren’t allowed to say any words. You can either do this as a game of charades, or just try to tell each other simple things, like “can you pass me the sugar?”

Practice Your Psychic Abilities: I don’t know if everybody has the ability to be psychic or not, but it can be fun trying and finding out! Start with a deck of cards, and try to guess the color of the card. If you like a little competition, you can keep track of who guessed the most right. Sure, there’s probably some statistics and logic that might come into play, but it’s still fun to see if you’re good at guessing.

Try to Read Each Other’s Minds: This is also another fun way to see if you can “read each others’ mind” (or just pass some time if you’re stuck waiting for something somewhere). Have one person pick a number from 1-10 or a color (basic colors only – red, blue, green, orange, yellow, purple, black, brown & white – no need to make it even harder by including things like magenta, though you can if you decide to make this game a little more advanced) while the other person tries to guess that color or number.

Involve some “inside jokes”: Inside jokes are my favorite thing to have with someone. Pick up on any phrase or word that you both use or like and start saying it anytime a similar situation should come up. Just be careful you don’t start using so many inside jokes that other people stop talking to you because they feel too excluded or have no idea what the two of you are talking about most of the time.

Develop code words: Become a master at metaphors and symbolism. For example, instead of saying “let’s get out of here”, you can say something like “I think I left my keys in my car” and the other person will know what that you really mean “let’s get out of here”. That might be a lame example and this doesn’t always work in every situation, but it can be a lifesaver in quite a few!

Have some ideas for improving your secret language of lovers and friends? Or do you already have a secret language you use with someone? Share it with us :)

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