Advertisement
I will be the first to admit I am not the world’s most empathetic person. I am usually the one who says “C’mon, suck it up, it’s not that bad.” Other times someone will be pouring their heart out and when they’re finished instead of offering words of encouragement or sympathy, I find myself saying something completely unrelated, like commenting on the weather or something I saw on TV.
Being insensitive like this can get you in a lot of trouble with your friends, family, and especially your spouse or partner.
Most of us don’t mean to be this way of course. For some of us being sympathetic or supportive just doesn’t come naturally. It could possibly stem from a long laundry list of past experiences and a short attention span, though I tend to believe we use it as a defense mechanism as a way for us to avoid dealing with the actual problem.
Whatever it’s cause, I’ve been noticing more and more how insensitive I’ve become lately to certain people and situations. Usually I don’t even realize how insensitive I’ve been until someone points it out to me or I find myself in the proverbial doghouse because of something I said or didn’t say. So to help myself, and to help others who have a tendency to be a little insensitive, I’ve gathered some tips:
1. Really listen: Listening is not as easy as it should be. Give the person your undivided attention and take away those distractions if possible. Sometimes we just don’t listen enough for our feelings to respond.
2. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes: How would you feel if everything that is happening to them happened to you? And if they said to you what you feel like saying to them, how would you react?
3. Choose your words carefully: Many words have negative connotations. Other things may be ambiguous and could be interpreted the wrong way. Think a little before you speak. 
4. Offer a little help: Sure, you probably can’t solve their problem, especially if they need a million dollars or can’t beat their feelings. But you can do something simple to brighten their day like offer a compliment, run an errand, or send them something that will make them smile.
5. Let down your guard: Some of us tend to build giant forts around our hearts so no one can get in and trample it to pieces. Unfortunately at the same time, no love can get out that way. There are huge risks in opening your heart to others and letting your guard down. It’s equally as risky to NOT opening your heart to others, so next time try just a little bit to let a little compassion or feeling leak through. It really won’t be that bad.
6. Apologize: If you catch yourself being insensitive, apologize the first chance you can. It’s easier for some to say I’m sorry than others, but it can’t hurt to tell the person you realize how hard it must be and what an insensitive jerk you were.
Are you like me and insensitive at times? What do you do to act a little more caring and compassionate towards others?
If you are interested in joining our mailing list, please submit your email below. 
I wouldn’t say I’m insensitive, but I have a hard time “being there” for people. Like I don’t know what to do if your boyfriend is cheating on you and I don’t know what to do if some girl is stringing a guy along. I have no idea how to react to someone dealing with the loss of a loved one. When my mom died… I got so sick of hearing “I’m sorry”.
I don’t know. I’d just as soon a person NOT call me for stuff like that. I wind up feeling extremely uncomfortable. But I can listen if that’s all you need. I’m not good at giving advice or offering solutions… not when it comes to emotional things anyway.
Jillians last blog post..Natural Flotation Devices or “Big Ole Titties”
It took a long time for me to perfect the “insensitive” stance.
I’m too sensitive, methinks. Sometimes, people act insensitive to not be hurt too much. That said, I conclude that there are people who are deliberately insensitive so that they can keep their sensitivity from being abused.
Did that make sense?
evilwoobies last blog post..Online Dating How To
Left to my own devices, I think that I fall somewhere in between the two extremes: overly sensitive when it comes to people that I care about, and absolutely “don’t give a sh*t” for people I don’t care about. I have worked hard to learn to listen to people that I barely know, and to dial down the sensitivity for the people that I do, as neither extreme is particularly healthy.
You have some really good tips there, and I would just add to the listening one: I was taught the “look to listen” rule. This means that in order to really listen to someone, its best to look them in the eyes as you listen. This does two things: first, it helps you to remain focused on them. Second, it makes them feel listened to, which is equally important.
Keep up the good work
Marc
Marcs last blog post..Let’s Talk About Sex!
Jillian: It is hard to know what the right thing to say is…I think being there just to listen sometimes, and/or knowing when to leave someone alone can speak volumes
Woobie: I think many people do it as a defense mechanism – by showing you care you definitely open yourself up to being used and abused sometimes.
Marc: You’re right about not wanting to be extreme one way or another – everything in moderation as I always say
Awesome tip on listening – it does help both the listener be more attentiove and the talker feel like they are being listened to.
Thanks for all the comments everyone!