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Should You Remain “Just Friends”?

April 13, 2008

It’s a timeless question that most of us wonder when we start falling or becoming attracted to one of our seemingly platonic friends: Do you “risk losing the friendship” or do you let it develop into something more?
To help you make this decision, we’ve outlined what will happen if you decide to go ahead and admit your feelings to your friend or if you decide to stay in a platonic friendship.

Possible Outcomes if You Go Ahead and “Risk Your Friendship”:

  1. 1. You end up getting married and living happilly ever after.
  2. 2. You end up dating for awhile and then things aren’t as rosy as you thought they would be so you end up breaking up
  3. 3. You admit your feelings but your friend doesn’t feel the same way so then things are forever awkward between you again and your friendship starts to dissolve.
  4. 4. You both talked about it and mutually decided to stay “just friends” but then you drift apart when one of you gets boyfriend/girlfriend. (See Damien’s article about The Friend of the Opposite Sex Wall.)

Possible Outcomes if You Hide Your True Feelings or Decide to Stay “Just Friends”

  1. 1. You hide your feelings and drive yourself crazy to the point you can no longer stand to be around your friend.
  2. 2. You stay “just friends”…until one of you starts dating someone else and you lose your friendship due to lack of time or jealousy issues and then you stop talking to each other completely.
  3. 2. You stay friends and continue to see each other regularly but not without a lot of drama from each of your respective partners until you both find yourselves single again and decide to hook up with each other.
  4. 3. You find yourself wondering “what if?” years later down the road if you should have been honest about your feelings and let it develop into something more.

If you look at the possible outcomes for each scenario, you should realize a common theme: You’re either going to stay in love with that person or you’re going to end up losing the friendship anyway whether you confront your true feelings or not. Since you’re going to lose the frienship no matter what you do, you might as well go forward with it anyway and hope for the best possible outcome: that you marry your best friend – which is what I did.

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