There’s no denying the importance of asking your partner pre marriage questions if you have recently become engaged or are thinking it’s time to bring your relationship to a new level. While it might be easy to get caught up in the typical newlywed hopes and dreams and whirlwind of romance, it’s not easy to stay happily married for the rest of your life unless you and your partner are truly 100% ready for that type of relationship and level of commitment.
It’s frightening how many couples get married each year without having the basic knowledge of some very important things, not just personality characteristics but even basic facts about a person such as their credit score or what things they’ve done in their life and want to do. It’s easy being in a relationship during the good times – and preparing yourself with a pre marriage test is just one way to make sure you really do indeed have what it takes to make it through the bad times together.
Author Michael Webb has compiled over 1000 questions for couples in his e-book “1000 Questions for Couples”. Do you really need to ask 1000 questions? Maybe not, but you’d be surprised how many people marry someone without knowing the other person’s credit score or where they’ve worked at before, let alone 1000 other details. The point of all these questions is not to drive you and your future beloved crazy, but to help each other prepare for a life together and make sure things have a 99% success rate instead of ending up divorced and miserable a few years down the road.
While you might not be ready to ask 1000 questions, we’ve put together a short list of what pre-marriage questions you definitely need to know and discuss with someone before deciding to say “I Do”.
Do We Have Similar Interests? What things does my partner like? What things does my partner not like? How do these things go on with what I like and don’t like?
Are Your Spiritual and Moral Beliefs Compatible? It’s important that two people at least respect and understand each other’s religious viewpoints. This makes it much easier to get along in the long run about these types of things because this is not something that you are likely going to be able to change about a person. Think carefully if there will be any future problems that might stem from having different beliefs.
Do a Background Check: You never know what a person might be hiding. When you get married, you end up usually inheriting each other’s financial problems and a criminal record (even if just misdemeanors) is probably not something to take lightly unless it’s for traffic tickets. You don’t want to get married and try to buy a house only to find your partner has filed for bankruptcy in the past or find out too late your partner has anger management issues and has been in jail for violent behavior. You’ll also want to check out things like schooling, work history, and any possible mental health issues. You never know what someone can be hiding and it’s not a matter of trust or love, it comes down to your own safety and personal well being.
What’s the Family Like? Everybody has some degree of family, whether they love them or hate them. It’s important to think about their family before you get married also because you’ll definitely be stuck with them, too. Does anyone in the family have special needs? Are there going to be giant problems when you’re expected to be everywhere on one day for the holidays? Do you each get along with each other’s families?
What Are Our Goals? Most people have some goals and dreams in life, and this is a huge thing to take into consideration when getting married. If you want to settle down and raise a family and your partner wants to go and travel the world and party every night this is going to cause problems eventually. Ideally you should both be on the same path toward the same destination for the best results. While hopes and dreams may change time to time, it’s best when you both share the same common life purpose and can be supportive of one another.
What Will You Do About Money? It would be nice if money wasn’t a problem, but for most couples it’s one of the biggest factors in causing arguments and stress in relationships – whether you have a lot of it or none at all. So it’s important ahead of time to make plans – who will be in charge of the budget? How will you share money? What will you do if one of you quits or loses a job? Do you need a pre-nuptial agreement? How will you save for the future?
How Do You Handle Conflict? Every relationship is going to have some rough times. Happy couples know how to deal with these problems in a healthy way, miserable couples tend to ignore or amplify problems. If you know ways to avoid and solve problems before you get married, it’s much more likely that anything that does come up isn’t going to be destructive to your relationship.
What About Housework and Living Arrangements? Another thing that a lot of couples end up arguing about are living arrangements and taking care of housework. Who’s going to wash the dishes? Cut the grass? Where are you going to store your life size collection of star wars figures? Is there going to be a TV in your bedroom? All of these things see trivial, but after you live with someone for awhile they can really start to cause problems.
How Will You Keep the Love Alive? Relationships need attention and care. If you don’t give your relationship the attention it deserves, it is eventually going to stop thriving. So it is very important to have ideas on ways you can continue to nurture and grow as a couple. It also helps to know what you each expect from each other in marriage. Do you want the romance to continue until you’re 95 years old? Or are you happy just being pals?
These questions aren’t mean to make you not get married, they’re intended to help you decide if you are really ready to commit to one another fully and if the person you are with is the best person to be with. It’s a lot better to have heart ache before getting married than it is afterward.
If you want to be 100% certain that you are ready for marriage and help your relationship grow at the same time, you will definitely want to check out “1000 Questions for Couples” – how else can you be sure you really know your partner inside and out?