I once had a friend lamenting for over 2 hours on how he was going to break up with his girlfriend at the time.
I couldn’t believe it. “It’s easy. You call her. You say you don’t want to see her anymore. Ever again. You’re sorry. And you hang up the phone.”
If you have problems being that upfront with your soon to be ex however, We’ve prepared a quick little guide to help make the break up as painless as possible.
1. Be sure in your heart that breaking up is the only solution to your problem. Be able to have at least 5 good valid reasons why you are breaking up with someone. Make sure these are reasons that cannot be overlooked or fixed and are 100% accurate and true. You do not want to break up with someone only to realize a few months later it was the worst mistake you ever made.
2. Choose your method of delivery: phone, in person, or by writing it. Some people say by phone is a cop-out. Don’t listen to them. Doing it by phone helps keep it from becoming an emotional wreck. You can hang up when neccessary. In person is the way to keep your sincerity and reputation if you care about what other people think. Writing it out is always an option, too, though I would not reccommend it – it will make it harder for the other person because they have something in writing from you saying it is over. If you have trouble deciding, pick which one you would prefer if you were the dumpee and not the dumper.
3. Set a time limit: These things can quickly become drawn out for hours and hours. What should have been a quick simple break up might result in you guys deciding to stay together. By doing it in 15 minutes, or a half hour, or 1 hour if you must, you can quickly get in and out. If necessary, try to schedule it before somewhere else you have to be so you have a quick excuse on why you must leave or get off the phone.
4. Be short and sweet. Memorize these lines: “I do not think we should see each other anymore. There is nothing we can do to change who we are and I think it’s for the best for both of us.” Now is not the time to get into listing their annoying habits or bring up past arguments.
5. Arrange the swapping of things before you break-up. You don’t want to break up with someone and then remember they have your favorite sweatshirt or something else important to you. You also won’t want a ton of their things cluttering your place and reminding them. Either bring these things with you or try to figure out a way to get them back before you deliver your decision. If you live together, this may be more difficult, but figure out a way to do it.
6. Do not talk to your ex for at least 3 weeks after the break-up. Emotions will still be too strong and variable. Wait at least 3 weeks, if not longer. Do not give in to temptations such as “I found some pictures if you want them” or “I really miss you…” messages on your voice mail. Stay strong, and don’t allude to the possibility of staying friends after you’ve ended your relationship. It won’t be possible so don’t waste your time.
7. Don’t tell anyone you’re going to break-up before you do it. Learning from someone else is not only so 7th grade style of breaking up, but it’s also the most devastating if you’re talking to other people about your relationship instead of your future ex. The people you tell may also try to change your opinion or decision. Don’t listen to them – listen to your heart.
So what do you say? That’s not so bad is it? We didn’t think so…and you’ll hopefully be much more happier in the weeks and months to come! Good luck!